AITA? I told my fiancé I would not take care of an English bulldog if we got one.
Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)
Dog Dilemma: A Fiancé’s Love vs. a Partner’s Reluctance
In a heartfelt debate, a woman grapples with her fiancé’s desire for a bulldog, a breed she finds ethically questionable and high-maintenance. Despite his deep-rooted affection for the breed, she fears the burden of care will fall solely on her, especially given their future plans to move to a hotter climate. This relatable conflict touches on the challenges of pet ownership, personal preferences, and the dynamics of shared responsibilities in relationships. Can love for a breed outweigh the practical concerns of a partner who feels overwhelmed by the prospect of caring for a dog she doesn’t want?
Family Drama Over Bulldog Ownership
In a recent discussion about pet ownership, a couple found themselves in a conflict regarding the possibility of getting a bulldog. The fianc, who has a deep affection for bulldogs due to his childhood experiences, is eager to welcome one into their home. However, his partner has significant reservations about the breed. Here’s a breakdown of the situation:
- Background on the Fianc:
- Grew up with bulldogs as family pets.
- Has family members involved in the national kennel club, showcasing and breeding bulldogs with proper health testing.
- Believes they would acquire a high-quality bulldog with a championship bloodline.
- Partner’s Concerns:
- Not a dog person and particularly dislikes bulldogs for several reasons:
- Ethical Concerns: Opposes the breeding of bulldogs and does not want to contribute to the controversial market.
- Health Issues: Fears potential high veterinary bills due to the breed’s known health problems, especially with breathing.
- Climate Compatibility: Plans to move to a hot climate, which is not suitable for bulldogs due to their heat sensitivity.
- Maintenance Requirements: Acknowledges the extensive daily care needed, including cleaning skin folds and ears, which she is unwilling to do.
- Activity Level: Prefers an active dog for outdoor adventures, unlike bulldogs, which are less energetic.
- Personal Discomfort: Experiences allergies to bulldog hair and finds their snoring disruptive to her sleep.
- Current Situation:
- The couple frequently disagrees on the topic of bulldog ownership.
- During a recent conversation, the partner expressed that it would be unfair for her to take on the majority of the dog’s care, especially since her fianc works long hours.
- She respects his love for the breed but feels it would be an undue burden on her.
- Conflict Resolution:
- The partner is concerned about being perceived as the “bad guy” for not wanting to care for a dog she does not like.
- She believes it is important to address the issue now, even though they do not currently own a bulldog.
In summary, the couple is facing family drama over the potential ownership of a bulldog. The fianc’s strong attachment to the breed clashes with his partner’s ethical concerns and practical considerations regarding pet care. As they navigate this wedding tension, finding a resolution that respects both perspectives will be crucial for their relationship.
This is Original story from Reddit
Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)
Story
My fiancé has always been around bulldogs; they were his childhood pets. Naturally, he absolutely loves them. Some of his close family members are part of the national kennel club, show them in dog shows, and breed them—all registered with proper health testing, etc. Very much NOT backyard breeders.
In the event we would own a bulldog, we would likely receive a top-of-the-line bred dog with a championship-winning bloodline. I am not a huge dog person to begin with, but I especially am not a fan of this breed. I don’t like them for a variety of reasons, which I’ll list below, but my main protest is that due to our work situation, I would be responsible for 90% of its care.
I am 100% prepared to take care of and love a family pet; however, I’ve made it clear that I do not want a bulldog. I’m not willing to provide the extensive level of daily care they require. To provide background as to why I don’t like/don’t want a bulldog:
- I don’t think they are an ethical dog breed. I don’t support their breeding; I don’t want to contribute to that market, nor do I want to own such a controversial breed.
- The extensive health issues and potential for super high vet bills. He argues that their breathing is perfectly healthy; however, I strongly disagree. We also plan to move to a hot climate within 5-10 years, which isn’t really compatible with a bulldog due to their heat sensitivity.
- High maintenance daily cleaning of their skin folds, ears, and tail would be my responsibility. Honestly, I’m just not down for that.
- They’re not an active dog. I want a dog I can take hiking or on adventures, not a dog that can’t handle a 45-minute walk.
- I’m not a fan of their personalities.
- Their hair is so coarse it makes me itchy all over, irritates my nose and eyes, and it sticks to absolutely everything.
- The snoring and snarling noises. I’m a light sleeper.
The reason I’m posting is that my fiancé and I frequently disagree on this topic. Today, I told him that with him working away long hours while I’m at home all the time, it wouldn’t be fair to me or the dog for us to own one because I’m not willing to provide such extensive daily care. I understand and respect that he loves this breed, but I genuinely don’t want the burden of responsibility shoved onto me just so he can own the dog breed he had as a kid.
I feel like I could be the AH since I’m pretty much telling him I wouldn’t take care of an innocent animal—that’s obviously not right. However, I also feel like I might not be the AH because this right now is all hypothetical since we don’t own one. I’m just trying to convey the point that we SHOULDN’T own one.
TL;DR: My fiancé wants a bulldog because he’s always had them; I don’t want one because I’d be solely responsible for it when I don’t like them, don’t want one, and don’t want to deal with the upkeep they require.
View the Original Reddit Post Here
Summary of Reddit Comments
The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the original poster (OP) is not the asshole (NTA) for refusing to get an English bulldog due to the breed’s extensive care requirements and health issues. Many users emphasize the importance of being on the same page regarding pet ownership, especially when one partner is frequently away from home, and highlight the inhumane breeding practices associated with bulldogs. Overall, commenters advocate for considering other dog breeds that may be less demanding and more suitable for the OP’s situation.
Verdict: NTA
Expert Advice for Resolving the Bulldog Ownership Conflict
Navigating a disagreement about pet ownership can be challenging, especially when both partners have strong feelings about the issue. Here are some practical steps to help the couple find common ground while addressing both sides of the conflict:
- Open Communication:
- Schedule a dedicated time to discuss the topic without distractions. This ensures both partners can express their feelings and concerns openly.
- Encourage each other to share personal experiences and emotions related to pet ownership, fostering empathy and understanding.
- Educate Together:
- Research bulldogs together, focusing on their care requirements, health issues, and ethical concerns surrounding their breeding.
- Explore alternative dog breeds that may align better with both partners’ preferences and lifestyle, considering factors like energy levels, maintenance, and health.
- Assess Lifestyle Compatibility:
- Discuss the couple’s current and future lifestyle, including work schedules, travel plans, and living conditions, to determine what type of pet would fit best.
- Consider the partner’s concerns about being the primary caregiver and how that might impact their relationship.
- Compromise and Collaboration:
- Explore the possibility of fostering a dog temporarily to see how both partners feel about pet ownership without a long-term commitment.
- Discuss potential compromises, such as agreeing to revisit the bulldog discussion in the future if circumstances change.
- Seek Professional Guidance:
- If the disagreement persists, consider consulting a pet behaviorist or a relationship counselor who specializes in pet ownership issues.
- Professional guidance can provide insights and strategies tailored to the couple’s unique situation.
Ultimately, the goal is to ensure that both partners feel heard and respected in their opinions. By approaching the situation with empathy and a willingness to compromise, they can strengthen their relationship while making a decision that aligns with their values and lifestyle.
Join the Discussion
Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)
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