AITA for telling my husband to figure out how to take care of our son?
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Is It Time for Dad to Step Up?
As a new mother prepares to return to work, she seeks a day alone to adjust, while encouraging her husband to take care of their baby without outside help. Despite his good intentions, her husband has never been alone with their son for more than an hour, leading to tension when he suggests involving his mother. This relatable struggle highlights the challenges many parents face in balancing support and independence, raising questions about trust and capability in parenting roles.
Family Drama Over Parenting Independence
A 30-year-old woman (referred to as OP) is navigating the challenges of returning to work after maternity leave while managing family dynamics. The situation has led to conflict resolution issues between her and her husband, raising questions about parenting roles and independence.
- Background: OP and her husband welcomed their first child in September. OP has been on maternity leave, while her husband took two months off and has since returned to full-time work.
- Current Situation: OP is preparing to return to work next week, and their son will start attending daycare. Her husband is off work this week, and they have been enjoying a staycation together.
- Desire for Independence: OP expressed a need for one day alone to adjust to being away from her baby. She also wants her husband to spend a full day alone with their son to gain confidence in his parenting abilities.
- Concerns: OP noted that her husband has never been alone with their son for more than an hour. During a recent visit to friends, their son became very upset, and OP felt her husband struggled to calm him down, leading to frustration.
- Husband’s Response: In response to OP’s request for a day alone, her husband suggested that his mother come to help him with their son. OP disagreed, believing her husband should manage on his own.
- Conflict: The disagreement escalated when OP’s husband called her request ridiculous. He believes that having his mother assist is reasonable, while OP feels it undermines his ability to parent independently.
- Support from In-Laws: OP’s mother-in-law supports her son’s perspective, which adds to the tension. OP acknowledges her mother-in-law’s help but emphasizes the importance of her husband stepping up as a father.
OP’s frustration stems from wanting her husband to gain confidence in his parenting skills without relying on external help. She believes that this trial day is crucial for both her and her husband as they transition into their new roles. The situation highlights the complexities of family dynamics, especially in the context of new parenthood and the need for conflict resolution.
In summary, OP is seeking to establish a balance between her need for independence and her husband’s ability to care for their child alone. The family drama surrounding this issue raises questions about support, independence, and the challenges of parenting in a partnership.
This is Original story from Reddit
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Story
TLDR: I’m taking a day away from my husband and son to be comfortable with going back to work. My husband has never had a day alone with our son, so I asked him to try to figure it out, but I’ll be available if needed. He told his mother to come and help. I said no. He thinks I’m ridiculous.
I, 30F, and my husband, 33M, welcomed our first child this past September. I have been fortunate to be on maternity leave, but that ends next week. My husband had 2 months off and has been working full time since. He’s off on Sundays and Mondays.
I have never left my son except to go to a wedding in December, but we were only away for 3 of his wake hours. My in-laws watched over him, and everything was fine. I go back to work next week, and my son will be attending daycare.
My husband is off this entire week, and we’ve just been taking a staycation. I told my husband, though, that I want one day on my own to get more comfortable being away from our baby and that I want him to have the day with the baby on his own. He has never been alone with him for more than an hour.
He is a good father, though, and will help out when needed. But he has never been there for the full-blown cries and fussiness while having to take care of the house. A few days ago, we went to a friend’s house, and our son was screaming bloody hell.
Whenever I held him, he would calm down. Whenever my husband held him, he would just scream and cry even louder. So my husband just passed him along to me. I was getting frustrated because I just wanted to relax with friends, and he couldn’t calm him down for a minute.
Today, he tells me that his mom will be coming to help out. I asked him to tell her never mind because he should be able to do it on his own. He called me ridiculous and said it shouldn’t matter, but I think it really does.
I can’t be bothered at work unless absolutely necessary, so I wanted this to be our trial. His mom will also be working on Mondays, so it’s not like she will be available to help out then. His mom is taking his side, but of course, she will because our son is her only grandson.
So, AITA for telling my husband to figure it out and step up?
This is my first AITA post, and I’m frustrated just writing this, so if you need more details to decide, just let me know, and I’ll respond.
ETA: I had a C-section, and I exclusively breastfed, so I physically could not leave the baby in the first 2 months. My lactation consultant told me not to pump until after 2 months, as I needed to establish my milk supply. He took care of me while I took care of the baby.
He doesn’t do nothing. When I started pumping, my husband was already at work. My husband does do feedings now.
ETA2: This isn’t a punch towards his mother. I adore her. It’s really about him being independent with the baby. She helps us, and I always appreciate it. I don’t know why y’all think I’m spiteful.
ETA3: When my husband is home, I do separate myself from them by going to a different room. But he does often come to the room for help. I’m not just dropping him off.
View the Original Reddit Post Here
Summary of Reddit Comments
The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the husband is failing in his parental responsibilities, with many users labeling his behavior as “weaponized incompetence.” Commenters emphasize that a good father should actively participate in parenting rather than merely “helping out” when convenient. The majority opinion suggests that the wife needs to confront the reality of her husband’s unwillingness to engage fully in childcare, which could have long-term implications for their family dynamic.
Verdict: YTA
Expert Advice for Resolving Parenting Conflict
Navigating the complexities of new parenthood can be challenging, especially when it comes to balancing independence and shared responsibilities. Here are some practical steps for both OP and her husband to address their concerns and foster a healthier family dynamic.
For OP: Establishing Independence and Support
- Communicate Openly: Schedule a calm, uninterrupted time to discuss your feelings with your husband. Express your need for independence and why it’s important for both of you to gain confidence in your parenting roles.
- Set Clear Expectations: Clearly outline what you envision for the day you want alone. Discuss what tasks you expect him to handle and how you can support him in feeling prepared.
- Encourage Gradual Independence: Instead of a full day right away, suggest shorter periods where he can care for your son alone. This can help build his confidence gradually.
- Seek Professional Guidance: Consider attending parenting classes together. This can provide both of you with tools and strategies for effective parenting and help your husband feel more equipped.
For the Husband: Embracing Parenting Responsibilities
- Reflect on Your Role: Take time to consider how you can actively engage in parenting. Acknowledge that being a father means taking on responsibilities, not just assisting when convenient.
- Practice Alone Time: Accept OP’s request for a day alone with your son. Use this opportunity to bond and learn how to manage parenting tasks independently.
- Communicate Your Needs: If you feel overwhelmed, express this to OP. Discuss what specific support you might need without relying on external help, like your mother.
- Build Confidence: Engage in activities that allow you to learn about your child’s needs. Read parenting books, watch videos, or join online forums to gain insights and tips.
Joint Steps for Conflict Resolution
- Schedule Regular Check-Ins: Establish a routine where both of you can discuss parenting challenges and successes. This can help maintain open lines of communication.
- Set Boundaries with In-Laws: Discuss how much involvement you both want from family members. Agree on boundaries that support your independence as parents.
- Celebrate Small Wins: Acknowledge and celebrate each other’s efforts in parenting. Positive reinforcement can strengthen your partnership and encourage more active participation.
- Consider Counseling: If conflicts persist, seeking the help of a family therapist can provide a neutral space to address deeper issues and improve communication.
By taking these steps, both OP and her husband can work towards a more balanced and supportive parenting dynamic. Remember, it’s essential to approach this journey as a team, fostering understanding and growth for both partners.
Join the Discussion
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