AITA for telling my boyfriend my dad was dead
Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)
When Family Secrets Resurface
After losing her mother to cancer at a young age and growing up with an absent father, a woman has learned to navigate life by claiming both her parents are dead. However, when her estranged father unexpectedly shows up asking for money while her boyfriend is present, it forces her to confront the truth about her family history. This revelation leads to a pivotal moment in their relationship, as her boyfriend grapples with feelings of betrayal and the need for space. The story touches on themes of trust, vulnerability, and the complexities of family dynamics, making it relatable to anyone who has faced difficult conversations about their past.
Family Drama and Conflict Resolution: A Personal Journey
A 26-year-old woman reflects on her complicated family history and the impact it has had on her relationship with her boyfriend. The story highlights themes of family drama, conflict resolution, and wedding tension as she navigates her past and present.
- At the age of 8, the woman lost her mother to cancer.
- Her father was absent throughout her life, and she only discovered his identity at 13.
- Despite finding out who he was, he did not want custody, leaving her in the foster system until she turned 18.
- Throughout her life, she had minimal contact with her father, totaling about five conversations.
- To avoid discussing her family situation, she often tells people that both her parents are deceased.
About a year and a half ago, she began dating her boyfriend, who is 25 years old. She initially maintained her story about her parents being dead until an unexpected encounter changed everything.
- Her father showed up at her door asking for $100, which her boyfriend witnessed.
- This revelation led to a significant conversation between the couple that night.
- Her boyfriend expressed feelings of betrayal, stating that her omission was a breach of trust.
- He requested some space to process the information but indicated he was not ready to end the relationship.
Feeling guilty about her decision to withhold the truth, she reflected on her actions and the reasons behind them. She had not intended to deceive her boyfriend but had simply not thought about the implications of her lie.
Updates on the Situation
- In a subsequent update, she clarified that she had only given money to her father once in the past, driven by a desire for his approval.
- Her boyfriend had defended her during the encounter with her father, asking him to leave before discussing the situation later.
In their follow-up conversation, her boyfriend expressed that the sudden influx of information was overwhelming. He needed time to process everything before responding.
- He acknowledged understanding why she had initially lied and was more hurt by her feeling unable to share the truth.
- They ended the conversation in tears, marking a moment of vulnerability and connection.
- They decided to “start again,” aiming to rebuild their relationship with a clearer understanding of each other.
Additionally, she has taken proactive steps to address her childhood trauma by seeking therapy. This experience has become an opportunity for personal growth and healing.
In conclusion, the woman is grateful for the support and understanding from her boyfriend and is committed to using this experience as a catalyst for positive change in her life.
This is Original story from Reddit
Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)
Story
I 26F lost my mother to cancer when I was 8 and have always had an absent father. I only found out who he was when I was 13, and even then, he did not want custody of me, forcing me to stay in the foster system until I was 18. Over my whole life, I have had about 5 conversations with him, give or take—he is like a stranger to me.
He appears once in a blue moon to ask for money or something along those lines. It doesn’t really bother me anymore; I’ve just learned to accept it now, but I don’t like talking about it. To avoid that conversation with people, I usually just say both my parents are dead.
This leads me to a year and a half ago when I had just started dating my boyfriend 25M. Like usual, I had just told him my parents were dead, but the other day my dad showed up at my door. I still don’t know how he knows where I live and asked for 100 dollars, except my boyfriend was there, and he obviously found out my dad was not dead.
This led to a long conversation with him that night where I explained the whole situation. He said this was a breach of trust between us since I lied about my dad and that he needed some space to rethink our relationship. However, he doesn’t think he will leave me.
I feel so shitty and that I should have told him earlier, but I am going to be honest; I just didn’t think. So, AITA?
UPDATE: My boyfriend texted me 5 mins ago asking to talk, so we are going to have a full in-depth conversation tomorrow after work, and I’ll update again then.
UPDATE 2: Last update. Before I get to the update, I would like to clear things up.
- I have only given money to my dad once when I was still desperate for his love and acceptance, but he did not get any money this time.
- Despite his confusion, my bf stepped in to defend me and get my dad to leave, and it was only after my dad left that he asked me about it.
Now onto the update. My boyfriend told me that all the sudden information, along with the knowledge I hadn’t told him the truth, was very overwhelming, and he just needed some space to not say the wrong thing. He also said that he got why I lied initially and he wasn’t mad that I lied, more hurt that I felt like I couldn’t tell him about it.
He also mentioned that he couldn’t be there for me if he didn’t know what was going on. The conversation ended in tears, and it is the most vulnerable I have been in front of someone. He was very understanding, and we have decided to draw a line in the sand and ‘start again,’ if that makes sense.
I have also looked into therapy for my childhood trauma, and all in all, I am using this as an opportunity to better myself and heal fully.
Thank you for all your kind comments.
View the Original Reddit Post Here
Summary of Reddit Comments
The top Reddit comments indicate a divided opinion on the situation, with some users expressing understanding for the original poster’s (OP) choice to lie about her father’s existence due to his negative impact on her life, while others criticize the dishonesty, especially after a year and a half of dating. Many commenters suggest that OP should have been more transparent with her boyfriend, emphasizing the importance of trust in a relationship and the potential long-term consequences of her lie. Overall, the comments highlight the complexity of familial relationships and the challenges of navigating personal trauma in romantic contexts.
- Verdict: YTA
Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict
Conflict in relationships, especially when rooted in personal trauma and family dynamics, can be challenging to navigate. Here are some practical steps for both the woman and her boyfriend to consider as they work through this situation together.
For the Woman (OP)
- Reflect on Your Feelings: Take time to understand your emotions regarding your family history. Acknowledge the pain and trauma you’ve experienced, and how it has shaped your identity and relationships.
- Communicate Openly: Continue to have honest conversations with your boyfriend about your past. Share your feelings about your father and why you chose to withhold that information. Transparency is key to rebuilding trust.
- Seek Professional Support: Continue your therapy sessions to work through your childhood trauma. A therapist can provide you with tools to cope with your feelings and help you communicate more effectively in your relationship.
- Be Patient: Understand that your boyfriend may need time to process this new information. Allow him the space he needs while reassuring him of your commitment to the relationship.
- Establish Boundaries: Consider setting boundaries regarding your father. Discuss with your boyfriend how you both feel about any future interactions with him, ensuring you are on the same page.
For the Boyfriend
- Process Your Emotions: Take the time you need to process your feelings about the situation. Reflect on why the revelation hurt you and what it means for your relationship moving forward.
- Communicate Your Needs: Share your feelings with your girlfriend. Let her know what you need from her to rebuild trust, whether it’s more transparency or specific reassurances about your relationship.
- Practice Empathy: Try to understand the reasons behind her decision to withhold information. Recognize that her past experiences may have influenced her actions and that she is also navigating her own trauma.
- Engage in Open Dialogue: Encourage ongoing conversations about family dynamics and personal histories. This can help both of you understand each other better and strengthen your bond.
- Consider Couples Therapy: If you both feel comfortable, consider attending couples therapy. A professional can help facilitate discussions and provide guidance as you navigate this complex situation together.
Moving Forward Together
Both partners should focus on rebuilding trust and understanding in their relationship. By taking these steps, they can create a stronger foundation for their future together, fostering a relationship built on empathy, communication, and mutual support.
Join the Discussion
Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)
What do you think? Would you have handled this differently?
Share your thoughts below! Vote: Do you agree with Reddit’s verdict?
