WIBTA if I leave my partner homeless?
Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)
Struggling with a Man-Child: A Fiancée’s Breaking Point
In a heart-wrenching tale of imbalance and emotional exhaustion, a 20-year-old woman grapples with the weight of being the sole provider and caretaker in her relationship with her 22-year-old fiancé. Despite her tireless efforts to maintain their household and care for their young son, she finds herself at her breaking point, feeling trapped by his lack of responsibility and emotional manipulation. As she contemplates ending the engagement, the fear of leaving him homeless looms large, making her dilemma all the more relatable to many who have faced similar struggles in relationships. This story raises thought-provoking questions about gender roles, mental health, and the sacrifices we make for love.
Family Drama and Conflict Resolution: A Personal Journey
A 20-year-old woman (referred to as OP) is facing significant challenges in her relationship with her fiancé, a 22-year-old man. The couple has been experiencing ongoing conflict, leading OP to consider ending the engagement. Here’s a summary of the situation:
- Current Relationship Status: OP has called off her engagement due to constant arguments and feelings of being overwhelmed.
- Financial Dynamics: OP is the primary breadwinner, covering $2,300 of the household bills, while her fiancé contributes only $800.
- Household Responsibilities: OP manages all household chores, including cooking, cleaning, and childcare, while her fiancé often plays video games after work.
- Childcare Concerns: Their one-year-old son is frequently left watching television for extended periods, raising concerns about his well-being.
- Emotional Toll: OP is experiencing declining mental health and physical health issues, feeling exhausted from the imbalance in their relationship.
Background and Context
OP has been in a long-term relationship with her fiancé, having grown up together. However, the dynamics have shifted significantly:
- Support from Family: OP has allowed her fiancé’s family to stay with them rent-free, hoping to improve his happiness.
- Threats and Manipulation: Whenever OP mentions breaking up, her fiancé makes comments about her family history and threatens self-harm, which complicates her decision-making.
- Desire for Change: OP has expressed her frustrations multiple times, but her fiancé’s promises to improve have not materialized.
Steps Toward Resolution
After reflecting on her situation, OP has decided to take proactive steps:
- Seeking Therapy: OP plans to start therapy to address her mental health and gain clarity on her situation.
- Setting Boundaries: She intends to give her fiancé a six-week ultimatum to improve his behavior, marking the deadline on a calendar.
- Monitoring Childcare: OP is committed to ensuring her son is cared for properly and will communicate with the babysitter about her concerns.
Recent Developments
In a recent update, OP took decisive action:
- Ending the Relationship: OP called her fiancé’s mother to come and take him away, marking a significant step towards independence.
- Finding Peace: After the departure, OP and her son enjoyed a day out together, feeling a sense of relief and happiness without the stress of their previous living situation.
- Future Considerations: OP acknowledges that legal matters may arise, but she feels more at ease and optimistic about her future.
Through this journey, OP is learning the importance of self-care and the need for a balanced partnership, highlighting the complexities of family drama and the challenges of conflict resolution in relationships.
This is Original story from Reddit
Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)
Story
I, a 20-year-old female, and my fiancé, a 22-year-old male, have been at each other’s throats 24/7. Not one day can I have peace of mind with this man-child. I have already called off my engagement and am about to just call it quits, but I am the breadwinner, so that would leave him homeless.
Any time I mention breaking up, he just says how I’m being typical, knowing my family history, and he wouldn’t be surprised if I took him to court for child support for our 1-year-old son. A little backstory that led to now is that I am the one who cooks, cleans, works, makes appointments, and babysits. I have to be the one to find childcare while all he does is work and come home, put Mickey Mouse on our son’s tablet, then go play video games while our son is watching Mickey Mouse.
That goes on until I get out of work around 12 a.m. I am a server, and I am the one with all the bills under my name. He throws in $800 towards the bills while I pay $2,300. We both work full-time jobs.
Anytime I complain to him about him not putting in the work, he says, “I will change, I’m sorry, I’ll do better,” and never does. I’m at my breaking point after I did the laundry and handed him the bags of neatly folded clean clothes. I was told to be patient; he will put it away like I asked him to, but 1.5 weeks later, it’s still in the corner of the room with new dirty clothes on top of it.
Whenever I throw the idea of us cleaning together, he does for the first 5 minutes, then starts complaining about how tired he is, then goes on his phone and just lays there. I’m exhausted, and all I do is try to make this man happy, even if it means my mental health is at an all-time low. I’m currently dealing with a lot of health issues, and I just can’t seem to find the energy to even take care of myself.
I even let his family stay with us rent-free if it meant for him to be happy, and I just feel like I’m doing it all wrong. I just want to throw it all in the garbage; I’m exhausted. He would be homeless if I leave him because the place we are in, I can only afford, and he would rather be homeless than move in with his family again.
And I just can’t handle it anymore. WIBTA if I leave my fiancé?
Edit
I know for everyone wondering how I lasted so long with him, I get the occasional “I’ll off myself” or “you’re a whore like your family” whenever I mention it, which gets me to just think about how I don’t want my son to walk around saying he doesn’t have a dad. My child’s father and I have been together since we were kids; we grew up together.
Update
Wow, I just drank a whole coffee and read through all of this. I just put my son to bed, and all I can say as of right now is I’m going into therapy starting tomorrow. I’m going to do what one Redditor suggested, which was to give him 6 weeks, put a calendar with the date circled and everything, and give him until then, and then make him leave once I compile a lot of evidence on him.
I was closely monitoring the iPad; he had Disney on for about 7 hours, which is not okay for a 1-year-old. I’m going to make sure our son goes to the babysitter and make sure to tell her not to let him take him and wait until I get there. Thank you for everyone’s support. I will try to update as soon as the ball hits the fan.
Update 2
So the ball hit the fan this morning. I personally called his mom to come get him. I start counseling on Monday, and I’m at peace; everything is already aligning.
I already see the bright change without him. My son and I went out to Elmo’s play in American Dream mall, and it’s so much better being just me and him. He had lots of fun, and so did I, without the worry of someone nagging me to leave because they are tired.
I’m sure more will come from this, obviously with court, but I feel at ease.
View the Original Reddit Post Here
Summary of Reddit Comments
The top Reddit comments reveal a strong consensus around NTA due to the belief that the individual in question is not responsible for their partner’s homelessness and should not feel obligated to support him financially. Most users agree that he has options available to him, such as moving in with family, and emphasize that he should be held accountable for his responsibilities, particularly regarding child support for their child.
- Users stress that the partner’s situation is his own issue and he should take responsibility.
- There is a clear message that allowing him to continue this behavior would negatively influence their child.
Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict
Conflict in relationships can be challenging, especially when it involves financial dynamics, emotional well-being, and the well-being of children. Here are some practical steps for both OP and her fiancé to consider in resolving their conflict and moving forward in a healthier manner.
For OP: Steps Toward Empowerment and Clarity
- Continue Therapy: Engaging in therapy can provide OP with the tools to navigate her emotions and gain clarity on her needs and boundaries. It’s essential to prioritize mental health during this transition.
- Establish Clear Boundaries: OP should communicate her expectations clearly to her fiancé. This includes discussing household responsibilities, financial contributions, and childcare duties. Setting these boundaries can help create a more balanced partnership.
- Focus on Co-Parenting: Regardless of the relationship status, OP should prioritize co-parenting strategies that ensure their child’s well-being. This includes open communication about parenting responsibilities and decisions.
- Seek Support Networks: OP should reach out to friends, family, or support groups for emotional support. Connecting with others who have faced similar situations can provide valuable insights and encouragement.
For the Fiancé: Steps Toward Accountability and Growth
- Reflect on Responsibilities: The fiancé should take time to reflect on his role in the relationship and the impact of his actions on OP and their child. Acknowledging his responsibilities is the first step toward change.
- Consider Counseling: Seeking individual therapy can help the fiancé address any underlying issues, such as emotional manipulation or dependency. Professional guidance can facilitate personal growth and accountability.
- Develop a Plan for Independence: The fiancé should create a realistic plan for financial independence, including exploring job opportunities, budgeting, and considering living arrangements with family or friends.
- Engage in Parenting Classes: Participating in parenting classes can help the fiancé understand the importance of active involvement in their child’s life and the responsibilities that come with parenthood.
Joint Steps for Conflict Resolution
- Open Communication: Both parties should engage in honest and respectful conversations about their feelings, needs, and expectations. Setting aside time for these discussions can foster understanding and reduce tension.
- Set Mutual Goals: Establishing shared goals for their child’s well-being and their individual growth can help both OP and her fiancé work together towards a common purpose, even if they decide to separate.
- Consider Mediation: If communication remains difficult, seeking a mediator can provide a neutral space for both parties to express their concerns and work towards a resolution.
Ultimately, both OP and her fiancé have the opportunity to learn and grow from this experience. By taking proactive steps and prioritizing their mental health and responsibilities, they can navigate this challenging situation with empathy and understanding.
Join the Discussion
Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)
What do you think? Would you have handled this differently?
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