AITA for cutting off my college friends after they used me for years?
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When Friendship Turns One-Sided: A Med Student’s Dilemma
In a competitive med school environment, one student finds herself shouldering the burden of group projects while her friends take a backseat. After years of hard work and dedication, she realizes that her so-called friends have been coasting on her efforts, leaving her feeling isolated and unappreciated. The final straw comes when she learns they’ve been studying together for a challenging course while she struggled alone. Now, faced with the decision to cut ties, she grapples with guilt and the fear of loneliness in a new semester.
Family Drama and Conflict Resolution in Med School
A medical student reflects on her experiences with her study group, highlighting the challenges of unequal contributions and the resulting tension. Here’s a breakdown of her story:
- Background: The student, 24, from a competitive Latin American country, formed a close-knit study group with three friends: Yellow, Green, and Purple during med school.
- Initial Dynamics: In the beginning, the student noticed she was doing most of the work for group projects. Initially, she didn’t mind, thinking her organization skills were simply being relied upon.
- Growing Frustration: As semesters progressed, it became clear that her friends expected her to handle all aspects of their projects, including research, presentations, and formatting, while they contributed minimally.
- Breaking Point: The last semester was particularly overwhelming, with the student managing six subjects and seven major group projects alone. Green occasionally offered help but often resorted to copying from ChatGPT without genuine effort.
- Indigenous Language Course: The student struggled with an indigenous language course, while her friends, Yellow and Green, studied together without offering her support. This realization deepened her feelings of isolation.
- Missed Presentation: After missing one presentation due to insufficient points, she learned that Yellow had expressed an expectation for her to drop out, which was the final straw.
- Decision to Distance: The student decided to distance herself from the group, acknowledging them but refusing to collaborate again. She is currently enrolled in an online summer course with Green, who has reached out but received no response.
- Support from Purple: Purple, who understands the situation, remains a supportive friend, although they are in different classes this semester.
- Future Concerns: The student is apprehensive about returning to classes with Yellow and Green next semester and is contemplating making new friends or spending time alone.
The student feels guilty about cutting off her friends without explanation and is seeking recommendations for conflict resolution. She aims to navigate the family drama of her study group while maintaining her academic integrity and mental well-being.
This is Original story from Reddit
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My Experience in Med School
I’ve had three close friends since the beginning of med school; let’s call them Yellow, Green, and Purple. We were a study group and did everything together. I’m the oldest at 24, since it took me a while to get into med school. I’m from a Latin American country, and it’s very competitive.
Ever since the first semester, I noticed I was the one doing most of the work when it came to group projects. At first, I didn’t mind because I take my studies seriously and assumed they just relied on me because I was more organized. But by the second semester, it became obvious they expected me to do everything—powerpoints, research, formatting, even structuring the presentation so they only had to memorize a few lines.
They always got full credit, just like me, despite barely contributing. Last semester was the breaking point. I had six subjects and had to do seven major group projects.
Once again, I did them all alone. Green would occasionally offer to help, but when she did, she’d just copy-paste from ChatGPT without even trying to reword it. Yellow didn’t bother at all.
What made me finally cut them off was a specific subject we had to take—an indigenous language course. I struggled a lot with it, and everyone knew, including Yellow and Green. Meanwhile, I was drowning in group projects and trying to study for this class.
One day, Green casually told me she had spent the entire weekend at Yellow’s house just studying for the indigenous language midterm. I let it slide because I thought it was a one-time thing, but then for the final, she mentioned again—completely casually—that they had been studying together since Thursday. We had the subject on Monday.
That’s when it hit me. I had been doing all the research, all the projects, carrying them for years, while they never once offered to help me with my struggles. To add insult to injury, I missed one presentation out of seven because I didn’t get the minimum points to present.
I let my group know in advance, gave them my part of the script, and made sure they had everything they needed. I had never missed a presentation before. Later, I found out from another classmate that Yellow had privately messaged her saying she “expected” me to drop out. I beg your finest pardon???
That was the final straw for me; I made the decision to distance myself. I will still acknowledge them when I see them, but I have no intention of working with them again. Right now, I’m taking an online summer course where Green is also enrolled.
She has sent me private messages, but I haven’t replied. Next semester, I’ll have classes with both Yellow and Green again. Purple, who has seen firsthand how much effort I put into everything and how things fell apart, has stuck by me.
However, she’s taking different classes this semester, so we’ll only really see each other at lunch. That means I’ll either have to make new friends or spend most of my time alone. I don’t plan on being rude, but I can’t shake the guilt of cutting them off without an explanation. Any recommendations on what I can do?
View the Original Reddit Post Here
Summary of Reddit Comments
The top Reddit comments indicate a strong agreement that the individual is not at fault for distancing themselves from unhelpful peers in group projects. Users emphasize that mutual support is essential in friendships, and the individual has every right to prioritize their well-being after being taken advantage of. Many commenters also suggest focusing on building new, healthier connections moving forward.
Verdict: NTA
Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict
It’s understandable to feel conflicted about distancing yourself from friends who have not contributed equally to your study group. Here are some practical steps to help you navigate this situation while prioritizing your well-being and academic success:
Steps for Conflict Resolution
- Reflect on Your Feelings: Take some time to process your emotions. Acknowledge the frustration and isolation you felt, and recognize that your feelings are valid.
- Communicate Openly: If you feel comfortable, consider reaching out to Yellow and Green to express your feelings. Use “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, “I felt overwhelmed when I had to manage most of the projects alone.” This can help them understand your perspective without feeling attacked.
- Set Boundaries: Clearly define what you are willing to contribute in future group settings. If you decide to work with them again, establish guidelines for equal participation upfront. This can prevent misunderstandings and ensure everyone is on the same page.
- Seek Support from Purple: Lean on Purple for support and guidance. They understand the dynamics of the group and can provide a listening ear or even help mediate a conversation if needed.
- Explore New Connections: While it’s important to address the current situation, also consider branching out to meet new people. Join study groups or clubs where you can find peers who share your work ethic and values.
- Focus on Your Well-Being: Prioritize self-care and mental health. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, whether it’s exercise, hobbies, or spending time with supportive friends.
- Prepare for Future Interactions: As you approach the next semester, think about how you want to handle interactions with Yellow and Green. Decide if you want to maintain a cordial relationship or if you prefer to keep your distance. Having a plan can help reduce anxiety.
Conclusion
Remember, it’s essential to surround yourself with people who uplift and support you. By taking these steps, you can navigate the complexities of your study group while maintaining your academic integrity and mental well-being. You deserve to be in an environment where collaboration is mutual and friendships are healthy.
Join the Discussion
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