WIBTA if I cutoff my girlfriend financially all of a sudden (breaking up)
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Should He Stay or Go? A Heartfelt Dilemma
In a tough emotional crossroads, a 25-year-old man grapples with the decision to break up with his girlfriend, who is struggling through a demanding X-ray program. While he has been her financial lifeline, covering everything from rent to groceries, he questions whether it’s morally right to cut her off after their relationship ends, especially since he encouraged her to quit her job for school. The situation becomes even more complicated with a history of infidelity that still lingers in his mind. This relatable story raises thought-provoking questions about love, responsibility, and the complexities of modern relationships.
Relationship Dilemma: Navigating Breakup and Financial Support
A 25-year-old man is grappling with the decision to break up with his girlfriend, 24, due to ongoing emotional struggles. The situation is complicated by financial support he has provided her during her X-ray studies. Here’s a breakdown of the circumstances:
- Financial Support: The man has been financially supporting his girlfriend throughout her clinical studies, covering expenses such as:
- Groceries
- Gas for her car
- Car insurance
- New scrubs and textbooks
- School fees
- Rent, as she has limited time due to her studies
- Living Situation: Although they do not live together, she spends most of her time at his place. He pays her rent because her clinical hours increased, leaving her overwhelmed with responsibilities.
- Emotional Strain: The man feels conflicted about ending the relationship. He still loves her but is struggling with emotional issues stemming from past infidelity. Although she cheated years ago, he has been unable to move past it, especially after a recent argument where she threatened to reconnect with the person she cheated with.
- Concerns About Breakup: He worries about the implications of ending the relationship, particularly regarding:
- Whether it would be morally right to stop providing financial support after the breakup.
- Her ability to find a job while preparing for board exams, especially since he encouraged her to quit her job for her studies.
- Seeking Advice: The man is contemplating whether to continue supporting her financially after the breakup, specifically if he should cover her rent until she finds a job. He is unsure if this is a common practice after a relationship ends.
This situation highlights the complexities of family drama and emotional ties intertwined with financial support. The man is seeking conflict resolution strategies to navigate this challenging decision while considering both his feelings and his girlfriend’s circumstances.
This is Original story from Reddit
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Story
I, 25m, think I need to break up with my girlfriend, 24f. I am still in love with her, so this is hard for me to do. And I just don’t want to be a dick about it.
She is an X-ray student in clinicals full-time, unpaid, and I help her out a lot financially because of that. To be honest, I pay for pretty much everything for her: groceries, gas for her car, car insurance, new scrubs, textbooks, fees for school. And the biggest one is rent.
We don’t technically live together, but she is always at my place. She technically has her own place with two roommates. I pay her rent because when her clinical hours increased, she had no time to breathe between clinicals, massive amounts of studying, and her job.
I barely ever saw her and could tell she was stressed and on the brink of a mental breakdown. I told her it makes more sense to quit her job and focus on school, and I can help her out. After that, she had a little more time to breathe in her schedule, I got to see her way more, and everyone was happy.
But now, if I break up with her, am I a massive dick if I stop paying for things? I know that once she becomes my ex-girlfriend, she isn’t my responsibility, but from a moral standpoint, is that cruel? I know it will be hard for her to scramble to find a job when she is studying for board exams.
And I was the one who encouraged her to leave her job, so I guess I would feel partially bad for putting her in this situation. Should I offer to cover her rent at least until she finds a job? Or is continuing to pay after breaking up not a thing people do?
Edit: Yes, she cheated on me, but it was years ago, not while she’s been in X-ray school. I broke up with her for it. We eventually got back together, and there’s been no cheating in that time, the past two years, but I just can’t emotionally do it anymore.
She threatened to unblock him during an argument the other day. I don’t think I can recover from that.
Edit 2: I didn’t realize people would care this much about the context. For those saying I’m not telling the full story, if you really want to read me complain about my relationship more, here is my previous post.
View the Original Reddit Post Here
Summary of Reddit Comments
The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the original poster (OP) is justified in wanting to end the relationship due to his girlfriend’s past infidelity and her desire to maintain contact with her ex. Many users emphasize that her calling him controlling is inappropriate, given her history of cheating, and suggest that he should prioritize his own well-being and trust issues over her demands. Overall, the comments advocate for OP to cut ties and move on, highlighting the importance of trust and boundaries in a relationship.
Verdict: NTA
Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict
Navigating a breakup, especially when financial support is involved, can be incredibly challenging. Here are some practical steps for both the original poster (OP) and his girlfriend to consider, addressing their emotional and financial concerns while promoting a healthy resolution.
For the Original Poster (OP)
- Reflect on Your Feelings: Take time to assess your emotions regarding the relationship. Acknowledge your feelings of love, but also recognize the impact of past infidelity on your trust and emotional well-being.
- Communicate Openly: Have an honest conversation with your girlfriend about your feelings. Express your concerns regarding her past actions and the recent argument. Clear communication can help both of you understand each other’s perspectives.
- Set Boundaries: If you decide to end the relationship, establish clear boundaries regarding financial support. It’s important to communicate what you are comfortable providing and for how long, if at all.
- Consider a Transition Period: If you choose to support her temporarily, set a specific timeframe for this support. This can help her plan for her future while also allowing you to feel comfortable with your decision.
- Prioritize Your Well-Being: Focus on your emotional health. Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist to help you process your feelings and navigate this transition.
For the Girlfriend
- Reflect on Your Actions: Consider the impact of your past infidelity on the relationship. Acknowledge how your actions may have contributed to the current emotional strain.
- Communicate Your Needs: If you feel overwhelmed, express your feelings to OP. Discuss your concerns about financial stability and your job search, but do so without placing blame.
- Plan for Independence: Start thinking about how you can support yourself financially. Explore job opportunities that align with your studies, even if they are part-time or flexible.
- Respect Boundaries: If OP decides to end the relationship, respect his decision and the boundaries he sets regarding financial support. Understand that this is a necessary step for both of you to heal.
- Seek Support: Reach out to friends, family, or a counselor for emotional support during this transition. Having a support system can help you navigate the challenges ahead.
Conclusion
Breakups are never easy, especially when financial support is intertwined with emotional ties. By approaching the situation with empathy, clear communication, and respect for each other’s needs, both OP and his girlfriend can navigate this difficult time more effectively. Ultimately, prioritizing emotional well-being and establishing healthy boundaries will lead to a more positive outcome for both parties.
Join the Discussion
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What do you think? Would you have handled this differently?
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