Aita for cutting off my dad, stopping our therapy and just stopping putting effort in our “relationship”?
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When Family Ties Become Chains
In a heart-wrenching tale of familial love and betrayal, a man grapples with the painful realization that his father favors his siblings despite their lack of support during a life-threatening crisis. After years of feeling unloved and unappreciated, he finally confronts the truth about their toxic relationship, leading him to make a bold decision to cut ties for his own well-being. This story resonates with anyone who has struggled with complicated family dynamics, raising questions about loyalty, love, and the cost of maintaining relationships that may do more harm than good.
Family Drama and Conflict Resolution: A Complicated Relationship
The relationship between the narrator and their father is fraught with tension and emotional turmoil. Here’s a breakdown of the situation:
- Complex Relationship: The narrator acknowledges a messy relationship with their father, characterized by feelings of unreciprocated love and favoritism towards siblings.
- Family Dynamics: The father shows more affection to the narrator’s siblings, who have not been supportive during critical times, such as when he needed a kidney transplant.
- Past Sacrifices: The narrator selflessly donated a kidney to their father, contrasting sharply with the siblings’ lack of involvement.
- Struggles with Anger: Although the narrator admits to a history of anger and violence, they have worked hard to change, having not engaged in physical conflict for five years.
- Therapy Experience: The father suggested therapy, which initially gave the narrator hope. However, it revealed the father’s deep-seated issues and his tendency to project his shame onto the narrator.
- New Relationship: The narrator found love with their wife, who provides emotional support and understanding, allowing them to be vulnerable.
- Wedding Joy: The narrator describes their wedding day as a dreamlike experience, highlighting the contrast between this joy and their relationship with their father.
- Decision to Cut Ties: After much reflection, the narrator decided to end contact with their father, feeling that the relationship was more harmful than beneficial.
- Family Backlash: The narrator’s siblings reacted negatively, accusing them of breaking their father’s heart, while the narrator feels justified in their decision.
- Support from Spouse: The narrator’s wife stands by their decision, reinforcing their belief that they are in the right.
In summary, the narrator grapples with a complicated family dynamic, marked by a lack of support and affection from their father. Despite past sacrifices and attempts at reconciliation, they ultimately choose to prioritize their well-being and the positive relationships in their life. The conflict resolution comes in the form of setting boundaries and seeking a healthier emotional environment, free from the toxicity of their father’s influence.
This is Original story from Reddit
Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)
My Relationship with My Dad
My relationship with my dad is, at best, messy and, at worst, complicated. Sure, I love him and would put my life on the line for him, and I have in the past. But I’ll be honest, I know he doesn’t love me; I know I’m hard to love, but damn, the way he treats me compared to my siblings is funny.
He loves on them and talks all nice and shit to them. The same kids that couldn’t even be bothered to take a blood test to see if they’re a match for him when he needed a kidney, the same kids that only speak to him when they need babysitting or money, those are the ones he treats better than me. I gave up my kidney without even a second doubt; I used to call and text him the most, even when he barely answered.
I know in the past I was an angry and violent guy, but I’ve changed. Truthfully, the last physical fight I had was five years ago, and I haven’t raised my voice at anyone. He loves bringing up my past and throwing it in my face, but I’ve never brought up his drinking or the amount of times he’s passed out drunk, shat himself, and I’ve cleaned him up.
We didn’t talk much a couple of years after he gave the family restaurant to my brother while I was the one that slaved in it since I was 15. He brought up the idea of going through therapy together, and I was fucking happy, so we started. During it, I truly realized how much this man didn’t like me and also how much he put his own shame and anger at himself on me, specifically me.
I lied to myself that I still wanted a relationship with him and tried forcing myself to be comfortable with him, even when I could barely stand his touch. I well remember meeting my wife three years ago at a high school reunion, and I fell for her all over again. We exchanged numbers and started dating.
She’s everything I want in a woman: smart, career-focused, kind, and caring. It’s been a while since I felt this comfortable with someone enough to cry in front of them, and she lets me do that. I can truly be myself around her, and I’m just so lucky.
When we got married, I was on a cloud the whole evening and pinched myself continuously, thinking I was still dreaming. I’ve realized this is what I want in my life: someone that loves me like her own and doesn’t need a third person to convince them to. I’ve realized I don’t want my dad in my life anymore.
I’m not angry at him or anything; I just don’t value this nonsense of a relationship. I love him for sure, but I’m way better when I’m away from him. I told him this a couple of weeks ago, stopped going to our therapy, and told him after the talk that I don’t want any contact from him; I’ve blocked him on everything.
His kids have called me all sorts of names and said I’m breaking his heart, but he broke mine for nearly 30 years. I don’t know; I’m lost. My wife says I’m in the right and she’ll support whatever I want. I’m just here for outside opinions: AITA?
View the Original Reddit Post Here
Summary of Reddit Comments
The top Reddit comments reveal a strong consensus around NTA due to the importance of prioritizing one’s mental and emotional health and the lack of respect shown by the father. Most users agree that the individual should move on and focus on their chosen family, emphasizing that toxic relationships are not worth maintaining.
- Users highlight the father’s failure to act like a supportive parent despite being saved by the individual.
- Many commenters share personal experiences that reinforce the idea that one cannot change others and should not tolerate disrespect.
Expert Advice for Resolving Family Conflict
Family dynamics can be incredibly complex, especially when deep-seated emotions and past sacrifices are involved. Here are some practical steps for both the narrator and their father to consider in resolving their conflict, while also prioritizing mental and emotional well-being.
For the Narrator
- Reflect on Your Feelings: Take time to journal or meditate on your feelings regarding your father. Understanding your emotions can help clarify your boundaries and needs.
- Communicate Boundaries Clearly: If you choose to engage with your father again, communicate your boundaries clearly. Let him know what behaviors are unacceptable and what you need from him moving forward.
- Consider a Mediator: If direct communication feels too challenging, consider involving a neutral third party, such as a therapist or family counselor, to facilitate the conversation.
- Focus on Self-Care: Prioritize your mental health by engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who respect your choices.
- Evaluate Your Decision: Periodically reassess your decision to cut ties. If circumstances change or if your father shows genuine willingness to change, be open to reconsidering your relationship.
For the Father
- Self-Reflection: Take time to reflect on your actions and how they may have affected your relationship with your child. Acknowledge any favoritism or lack of support you may have shown.
- Seek Professional Help: Consider engaging in therapy to address your own issues and learn healthier ways to communicate and connect with your children.
- Apologize and Acknowledge Past Mistakes: If you feel ready, reach out to your child to apologize for past behaviors. Acknowledging your mistakes can be a powerful step toward healing.
- Be Open to Change: Show a willingness to change your behavior and demonstrate that you value your relationship with your child. This may involve actively listening and respecting their boundaries.
- Respect Their Decision: If your child has chosen to cut ties, respect their decision. Pushing for contact may further damage the relationship. Instead, focus on your own growth and healing.
Ultimately, both parties must prioritize their emotional health and well-being. Healing takes time, and it’s important to approach the situation with empathy and understanding, recognizing that both sides have valid feelings and experiences.
Join the Discussion
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What do you think? Would you have handled this differently?
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