AITA for telling my mother to pay when she demanded I keep my opinion regarding a shared present that I was making
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When Family Expectations Clash with Creative Integrity
In a heartfelt tale of family dynamics and artistic pride, a semi-professional tailor finds herself at odds with her mother over a custom gift for her newborn niece. Despite her mother’s insistence on a specific fabric that clashes with the design, the tailor stands firm on her creative vision, leading to a tense confrontation. This story resonates with anyone who has navigated the tricky waters of family expectations versus personal boundaries, especially in a culture that often blurs the lines between obligation and artistry.
Family Drama Over a Custom Pillow Gift
A 26-year-old semi-professional tailor found herself in a conflict with her mother regarding a custom gift for her sister-in-law (SIL), who recently gave birth. The situation escalated due to differing opinions on design and expectations, leading to a discussion about payment for services rendered.
- Background:
- The tailor has been sewing since age 7 and does custom orders as a side hustle.
- The SIL prefers muted, soft, pastel colors for her baby’s items and shared a to-buy list during her pregnancy.
- Gift Idea:
- The tailor’s mother wanted to gift a decorative pillow, inspired by a childhood memory of the SIL’s husband.
- She requested the tailor to create the pillow, including an embroidered design.
- The tailor’s fiancé, a professional illustrator, was tasked with creating the design, which was approved and vectorized.
- Conflict Arises:
- The mother chose a banana peel yellow fabric for the pillow, which clashed with the soft pastel design.
- The tailor suggested alternative fabrics in off-white and beige, arguing that the chosen fabric would not work.
- The mother insisted on her choice, stating, “I want you to service me without your opinion.”
- The tailor responded, “Then pay me,” highlighting that she was doing this work pro bono.
- Professional Standards:
- The tailor has a clause in her terms of service stating that a lack of input from the client incurs an additional fee.
- She explained that if the project were commissioned externally, it would cost significantly more for the illustration, materials, and labor.
The situation reflects common family drama surrounding wedding tension and gift-giving expectations. The tailor is left questioning whether she was in the wrong for asserting her professional boundaries and suggesting payment for her work. The conflict highlights the importance of clear communication and conflict resolution in family dynamics, especially when personal and professional roles intersect.
This is Original story from Reddit
Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)
Story
I, 26, am a semi-professional tailor. I picked up sewing when I was 7 and have been expanding my knowledge ever since as a hobby. I do custom orders as a side hustle.
My SIL, 34F, recently gave birth to my niece. She has requirements for her baby’s stuff to be in muted, soft, pastel colors. Although, ideally, SIL doesn’t want unrequested gifts, she shared a to-buy list with us when she was pregnant.
My mother, 56F, wants to gift her a decorative pillow because my brother, SIL’s husband, liked to fight pillows when he was a baby. She requested I make it because she wants a design embroidered on it, and my sewing machine has embroidery software and hoops where I can load custom designs. Mother requested I pick the design, and I tasked my fiancé, 25, to do the design since they are a professional illustrator.
The design got approved, and they vectorized it for me. Then the colors got picked. We agreed on yellow, and we adjusted the design to be colored. Again, all was approved. Mother then decided to buy a fabric.
Today, she finally showed me the fabric… it’s banana peel yellow. The design will blend in since it’s in very soft, pastel colors that are easy on the eye. I said this fabric won’t work and offered fabrics I had on hand in the colors off-white and beige.
After all, we are talking about a background color for a pillow with embroidery. I argued a bit with her when she dropped, “I want you to service me without your opinion.” I responded with, “then pay me,” since I was doing this pro bono.
Ironically, this isn’t a standalone case to the point that I have a clause in my ToS and in the commission contract stating that “if you want a lack of opinion, there’s a $50 upcharge to handle the time prepared for ‘This doesn’t look as I imagined,’ which is often the case afterward.” I can follow instructions to a T, but if you want a pencil skirt and give me a specific pattern, I’ll not tailor it to your specific body, and it will not fit properly—just an example of what I had to do in the past.
So, AITA for telling my mother to pay when she demanded I keep my opinion regarding a shared present I was making?
And one last thing: if that was commissioned by an external party, it would cost $70 for the illustration, $40 for materials, and additionally about $30 for labor.
View the Original Reddit Post Here
Summary of Reddit Comments
The top Reddit comments indicate a strong agreement that the original poster (OP) is not at fault (NTA) for refusing to work with inappropriate materials chosen by their mother. Many users emphasize the importance of respecting one’s expertise and the right to decline work that does not meet quality standards, especially when it involves a personal project for a family member. Additionally, there is a suggestion that the mother may be acting out of spite rather than genuine intent to help, further supporting the OP’s position.
Verdict: NTA
Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict
Family conflicts, especially those involving creative work, can be challenging to navigate. Here are some practical steps for both the tailor and her mother to help resolve the situation amicably:
For the Tailor
- Communicate Openly: Schedule a calm and private conversation with your mother. Express your feelings about the project and the importance of using materials that align with the SIL’s preferences.
- Set Clear Boundaries: Reiterate your professional standards and the reasons behind them. Explain that your expertise should be respected, and that you want the final product to reflect quality and care.
- Offer Compromise: Suggest a middle ground where you can both agree on a fabric that meets the SIL’s aesthetic while still incorporating your mother’s vision. This could involve selecting a different color or pattern that complements the banana peel yellow.
- Discuss Payment Options: If your mother insists on her choices, kindly remind her of your terms of service. Offer to create a formal agreement that outlines the scope of work and any associated costs, ensuring clarity moving forward.
For the Mother
- Listen Actively: Approach the conversation with an open mind. Acknowledge your daughter’s expertise and the effort she puts into her work. This can help foster a more collaborative atmosphere.
- Reflect on Intentions: Consider your motivations for choosing the banana peel yellow fabric. Are you trying to honor a memory, or are you disregarding your daughter’s professional input? Understanding your intentions can help clarify your stance.
- Be Open to Suggestions: Allow your daughter to present alternative fabric options. This can lead to a more productive discussion and may result in a design that satisfies both your vision and her professional standards.
- Consider the Bigger Picture: Remember that this gift is for your SIL and her baby. Focus on what will be most meaningful and appropriate for them, rather than personal preferences.
Conclusion
By approaching the situation with empathy and a willingness to collaborate, both the tailor and her mother can work towards a resolution that honors their relationship and the special occasion. Open communication and mutual respect are key to navigating family dynamics, especially when personal and professional roles intersect.
Join the Discussion
Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)
What do you think? Would you have handled this differently?
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