WIBTA if I filed to remove my mother as my payee on my social security?
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A Struggle for Independence: A Daughter’s Fight for Her Finances
In a heart-wrenching tale of financial control and familial tension, a young woman grapples with her mother’s role as her payee for social security benefits. Despite her mother’s claims of responsibility, the daughter feels trapped, receiving only small amounts of her own money while her requests for an allowance are dismissed. This story resonates with many who have faced similar struggles for autonomy and respect within family dynamics, especially in the context of financial independence. As she prepares to confront her mother again, the question looms: will she finally reclaim her financial freedom?
Family Drama Over Social Security Payments
A 18-year-old woman is facing ongoing family drama regarding her social security payments, which have been managed by her mother since she was 15. The situation has escalated into a conflict that requires resolution, particularly as the young woman seeks greater financial independence.
- Background: The young woman, who is autistic, has had her mother as her payee for social security since she was 15 years old.
- Financial Control: Despite the funds being intended for her, she has only received minimal amounts, typically between $20 to $40, whenever she raises concerns about her financial situation.
- Past Mistake: The mother frequently references a past mistake made by the daughter at age 15, where she spent $200 on something unnecessary, which the mother uses to justify her control over the funds.
- Desire for Independence: The young woman feels she has matured and become more responsible, and she is actively researching how to have her mother removed as her payee.
- Attempts at Communication: Whenever she tries to discuss her financial needs or request an allowance, her mother dismisses her concerns, leading to feelings of frustration and helplessness.
The young woman is now contemplating whether she would be the antagonist (WIBTA) if she pursued a more assertive approach to reclaim her financial autonomy. She is determined to have another conversation with her mother about her social security payments and is seeking advice on how to navigate this sensitive family conflict.
- Next Steps: She plans to initiate another discussion with her mother, hoping to address the ongoing issues and find a resolution that allows her to access her funds more freely.
- Seeking Support: The young woman is grateful for the advice she has received from others and is motivated to advocate for herself in this challenging family dynamic.
This situation highlights the complexities of family relationships, especially when financial control is involved. The young woman’s journey toward conflict resolution may serve as an important lesson in asserting one’s rights and seeking independence within familial structures.
This is Original story from Reddit
Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)
Story
My 37f mother is my payee for my social security and has been since I was 15. I am autistic, but the problem is I have barely seen a cent out of it. She gives me, 18f, about 20-40 dollars to shut me up whenever I complain or try to have a conversation about it.
She doesn’t listen and constantly goes on about a mistake I made at 15, buying something I didn’t need with 200. However, I am more responsible now and have been working on researching how to get her removed from being my payee, as she is withholding my money. Whenever I ask for her to start me on an allowance, she disregards it and then acts like everything is fine.
I am sick and tired of basically begging for MY money. So, WIBTA?
Edit
I will be trying to have the conversation again, and thanks to all helping out and giving advice.
View the Original Reddit Post Here
Summary of Reddit Comments
The top Reddit comments indicate a divided opinion on the situation, with many users asserting that the Social Security payments are primarily intended to cover the essential needs of the individual, such as food, shelter, and care, which the mother provides. While some commenters suggest that the individual should have more autonomy and transparency regarding the funds, the majority emphasize the importance of understanding the purpose of the payments and the financial realities of living independently. Overall, there is a consensus that if the individual cannot support themselves, it is appropriate for the mother to continue receiving the payments.
Verdict: NTA
Expert Advice for Resolving Family Conflict Over Social Security Payments
Navigating family dynamics, especially when financial control is involved, can be challenging. Here are some practical steps for both the young woman and her mother to consider in resolving this conflict while fostering understanding and respect.
For the Young Woman
- Prepare for the Conversation: Before approaching your mother, outline your thoughts and feelings. Write down specific examples of how the current arrangement affects you and your desire for independence.
- Choose the Right Time: Find a calm moment to discuss your concerns. Avoid times of stress or conflict to ensure a more productive conversation.
- Express Your Feelings: Use “I” statements to communicate how you feel. For example, “I feel frustrated when I don’t have access to my funds,” rather than placing blame.
- Educate Yourself: Research the process of changing a payee for Social Security payments. Understanding the legal aspects can empower you in discussions with your mother.
- Seek Support: Consider involving a trusted family member or a professional advocate who can mediate the conversation and provide additional perspectives.
- Set Goals: Discuss what financial independence looks like for you. Propose a plan that includes a reasonable allowance and a timeline for gradually increasing your financial autonomy.
For the Mother
- Listen Actively: Approach the conversation with an open mind. Allow your daughter to express her feelings without interruption, showing that you value her perspective.
- Reflect on Your Role: Consider whether your control over the funds is genuinely in her best interest or if it stems from your own fears or past experiences.
- Discuss Financial Needs: Acknowledge the purpose of the Social Security payments and discuss how they are being used. Transparency can help build trust.
- Explore Compromise: Be open to finding a middle ground. Perhaps you can agree on a monthly allowance that allows her to manage some of her funds while still ensuring her essential needs are met.
- Encourage Independence: Support your daughter’s desire for financial independence by gradually allowing her more control over her funds. This can help her build confidence and responsibility.
Conclusion
Resolving this family conflict requires empathy, understanding, and a willingness to communicate openly. By taking these steps, both the young woman and her mother can work towards a solution that respects the needs and desires of both parties, ultimately fostering a healthier family dynamic.
Join the Discussion
Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)
What do you think? Would you have handled this differently?
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