WIBTA if I used my husband as a cash cow/didn’t divorce him?
Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)
Is Staying for Financial Security Worth the Emotional Toll?
In a heart-wrenching tale of love, betrayal, and survival, a woman discovers her husband’s troubling secrets while applying for a job on his behalf. After years of working through past infidelities, she grapples with the painful realization that history may be repeating itself, all while managing the challenges of being a disabled parent to three young children. As she weighs the option of remaining in a marriage that feels increasingly one-sided for the sake of financial stability, readers are left questioning the true cost of love and loyalty. This story resonates deeply with anyone who has faced the complexities of relationships, especially when financial dependence and emotional well-being collide.
Family Drama and Conflict Resolution: A Difficult Decision
A woman, 28, reflects on her tumultuous marriage of nine years to her husband, 29. The couple has three children together, and the wife faces significant challenges due to her health issues. The story unfolds as she discovers troubling information about her husband’s fidelity while attempting to assist him with a job application.
- Background: The couple has been together for ten years, married for nine. The wife has been managing the family’s finances while her husband works as a CDL driver.
- Discovery: While looking for a code on her husband’s phone, she finds a text chain with pictures of an unknown woman. This discovery triggers memories of a previous incident seven years ago when she caught him trying to arrange hookups with other women.
- Emotional Impact: The wife feels devastated and betrayed, especially since they had previously reconciled after the earlier incident. She finds recent chats and offers from her husband to pay women for pictures, deepening her sense of betrayal.
- Financial Concerns: The wife is currently disabled and unable to work, awaiting approval for disability benefits. She manages the family’s finances, which gives her the option to leave her husband if she chooses.
- Future Considerations: The couple has discussed the husband returning to over-the-road driving for better pay, which would mean he would be away for most of the year. The wife contemplates whether to stay in the marriage for financial security while effectively being a single parent.
- Self-Reflection: Despite her love for her husband, she questions his love for her, especially in light of his actions. She feels uncertain about her prospects for finding a new partner due to her health issues and responsibilities as a mother.
- Health Challenges: The wife has faced numerous health challenges, including anxiety, depression, PTSD, and significant physical injuries leading to surgeries. She recently discovered a heart condition, adding to her struggles.
- Final Thoughts: The wife grapples with the decision of whether to remain in a marriage where she feels unloved and betrayed, or to pursue independence while managing her responsibilities as a mother.
In conclusion, the wife’s situation highlights the complexities of family drama and the difficult choices that come with conflict resolution in a strained marriage. As she navigates her feelings of betrayal and her responsibilities, she must weigh the emotional and financial implications of her decision.
This is Original story from Reddit
Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)
Story
My husband and I have been together for 10 years, married for 9.
So I, a 28F, was applying for a job on my husband’s behalf while he slept. I was trying to be helpful and a good wife! Anyways, I needed a code from his phone and found a text chain I didn’t recognize.
Say whatever you want about snooping; I don’t care, but I opened it and there were pictures of a woman I didn’t know. Now for info, 7 years ago I caught my husband trying to arrange hookups with other women, but he swore up and down that he never actually did. After a good amount of time and some phone restrictions, we reconciled and moved on.
Naturally, finding this filled me with dread, and I went through his phone and found recent chats, pictures, and even found him offering to pay women for more pictures. Naturally, I checked all our banking stuff and couldn’t find any history that he may have done such. To say I’m devastated to be going through this again would be putting it mildly.
Another important thing to note is that I am disabled and cannot work, and I also have not been approved for disability yet, so I have no income. Lord knows when that will happen because getting disability is actually really hard. In addition, we have three children: 8F, 3F, and 6 months F.
Now I manage all our finances; he just makes the money, and so he doesn’t really check it. I could technically skim from him for an indeterminate amount of time until I could leave. HOWEVER, and I am not saying I will stay for the kids, my husband is a CDL driver, and we’ve recently been talking about him going back over the road because it pays more.
This means that for the majority of the year, he wouldn’t even be home. So I could probably suck it up for every weekend or holiday or whenever he’s home for the financial security, and maybe we could even work through this; I don’t know. I love him, but obviously, he doesn’t love me as much.
I know I’d have zero luck in trying to find someone new—tempting as that is—between being overweight and the kids. So, WIBTA if I just stayed and essentially was a single parent while remaining legally married?
Edit to add
I was not physically disabled when we got together, but I have been suffering from anxiety, depression, borderline personality, and PTSD since I was a child. He knew about all of these things. In fact, I told him about them on our first date because I didn’t want to get strung along again.
However, in 2019, I was injured at work and had to have back-to-back spine surgeries. A few months later, I got pregnant with our second. It was a surprise but a welcome one, and I powered through the pain and health issues.
However, in January of 2023, I suffered a concussion that has led to a TBI, and not long after that, we discovered that my disks in my spine are disintegrating. Our third was a surprise, and the whole time I was in extreme pain and very sick. She was in the NICU.
Just before Christmas, I found out I have a heart condition. Also, I had my tubes removed. There will be no more children.
View the Original Reddit Post Here
Summary of Reddit Comments
The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the individual in question is not an asshole (NTA) for considering financial measures to protect herself and her children from an abusive partner. Many users share personal experiences and suggest practical strategies for financial independence, emphasizing the importance of preparing for potential separation while acknowledging the abusive dynamics at play.
- Users advocate for financial self-protection, citing examples of others who have successfully navigated similar situations.
- There is a clear understanding that the abusive behavior of the partner justifies the need for these actions.
Overall Verdict: NTA
Expert Advice for Conflict Resolution
Resolving conflict in a strained marriage, especially one marked by betrayal and emotional turmoil, requires careful consideration and a strategic approach. Here are practical steps for both the wife and the husband to navigate this challenging situation.
For the Wife
- Prioritize Self-Care: Focus on your mental and physical health. Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist to help process your emotions and develop coping strategies.
- Document Everything: Keep a record of any concerning behavior from your husband, including texts and financial transactions. This documentation can be crucial if you decide to pursue legal action or separation.
- Explore Financial Independence: Research local resources for financial assistance, job training, or disability benefits. Consider consulting a financial advisor to help you create a budget and plan for potential separation.
- Communicate Openly: If you feel safe doing so, have an honest conversation with your husband about your feelings of betrayal and your concerns regarding the future of your marriage. This may help clarify his intentions and feelings.
- Consider Counseling: Individual or couples therapy can provide a safe space to explore your feelings and the dynamics of your relationship. A professional can help facilitate difficult conversations and guide you through the decision-making process.
For the Husband
- Reflect on Your Actions: Take time to consider the impact of your behavior on your wife and family. Acknowledge the hurt you have caused and the need for change.
- Seek Professional Help: Consider individual therapy to address any underlying issues that may contribute to your behavior. This can help you understand your actions and work towards healthier relationship patterns.
- Communicate Honestly: Be prepared to have open and honest discussions with your wife about your relationship. Take responsibility for your actions and express a genuine desire to rebuild trust.
- Make Amends: Show your commitment to change through consistent actions. This may include being transparent about your phone and finances, as well as actively working to regain your wife’s trust.
- Consider Couples Therapy: If both parties are willing, couples therapy can provide a structured environment to address issues and improve communication. It can help both partners understand each other’s perspectives and work towards resolution.
Final Thoughts
Ultimately, the decision to stay or leave the marriage is deeply personal and should be made with careful consideration of emotional and financial implications. Both partners must be willing to engage in honest dialogue and seek help to navigate this complex situation. Remember, prioritizing your well-being and that of your children is paramount.
Join the Discussion
Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)
What do you think? Would you have handled this differently?
Share your thoughts below! Vote: Do you agree with Reddit’s verdict?
