February 13, 2025

AITA for a text I sent in a group chat while in labor?

Inline AITA Image 1 Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Was I Wrong for Snapping at My Sister-in-Law During Labor?

In a tense family group chat, a pregnant woman updates her relatives about her labor, only to be met with unsolicited advice from her sister-in-law, who recently had a c-section. Frustrated by the condescending tone and feeling undermined, she snaps back while in the throes of contractions. As the situation escalates, she questions whether her reaction was justified or if she crossed a line. This relatable story highlights the complexities of family dynamics and the challenges of navigating support during significant life events.

Family Drama During Labor: A Conflict Resolution Dilemma

A 29-year-old woman recently shared her experience of giving birth to her third child amidst family tension. The situation escalated in a group chat with her husband’s family, leading to questions about her behavior. Here’s a breakdown of the events:

Background: The woman gave birth in November and has a group chat with her husband’s family, including his two sisters, mother, and sister-in-law (sil). The chat is typically used for sharing updates and stories about their children.
Labor Update: At 37 weeks and 5 days pregnant, she informed the group that she was experiencing strong contractions and might be going into labor that day. Most family members responded with excitement, except for her sil.
Hospital Visit: After going to the hospital, she was told she wasn’t dilated enough to be admitted, despite her contractions. She updated the group chat, reassuring them that she would labor at home for comfort.
Sil’s Response: The sister-in-law expressed relief that the woman wasn’t in “real labor” and suggested it was better to wait a couple of weeks. She sent multiple articles about false labor and Braxton Hicks contractions, implying the woman was inexperienced.
Reaction: Feeling frustrated, the woman replied, stating, “Not to be bitey, but this ain’t my first rodeo, and I know how to Google things as well.” She felt her response was justified, given her previous experiences with childbirth.
Outcome: After returning home, she went back to the hospital a few hours later and successfully gave birth that night. However, her sil has since unfriended her on Facebook and stopped responding to texts.
Reflection: The woman questioned whether her response was inappropriate and acknowledged that texting in the group chat while in labor might not have been the best choice. She also clarified that she did not intend to belittle her sil’s experience with a c-section.
Underlying Tensions: The woman noted that her relationship with her sil has been strained, as the sil often acts as the family matriarch and has previously questioned her parenting abilities in the group chat.

In conclusion, the woman is left wondering if her reaction was justified or if she overstepped boundaries during a moment of heightened emotion. This situation highlights the complexities of family dynamics and the challenges of conflict resolution, especially during significant life events like childbirth.

This is Original story from Reddit

Inline AITA Image 2 Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

Let’s jump into this. I, 29F, gave birth to my 3rd baby in November.

The women in my husband’s family—his 2 sisters, our sister-in-law, and his mom—and I have a group chat where we send pictures of our kids, tell funny stories about our day, and, in this case, send updates about possible labor.

On this particular day in November, at 37 weeks plus 5 days gestation, I reached out to inform them that this just might be the day my newest baby decides to make his grand entrance. I had been having strong contractions since 5:50 that morning.

Everyone, except my sister-in-law (my husband’s brother’s wife), responded with excitement and praying hands emojis.

Well, according to the nurses at the hospital, I wasn’t dilated enough to be admitted, despite strong and frequent contractions. This was at noon.

I updated the chat. Everyone seemed concerned and asked if I still thought it might be that day.

I assured them it was most likely going to happen that day, judging from past experiences, but I would go home to labor in comfort.

This is where I might be the a-hole.

My sister-in-law, who also gave birth to her 3rd baby a couple of months prior via c-section, decided to text how glad she was that I wasn’t in “real labor” and that it’s better that I wait to have the baby another couple of weeks. She then sent a bunch of screenshots and links to articles about false labor and Braxton Hicks.

As if I had never given birth before or experienced pregnancy before.

I replied, mid-contraction, “Not to be bitey, but this ain’t my first rodeo, and I know how to Google things as well.”

And yes, I have been checked, and they will check again before deciding if I should go home or not.

Well, I did go home, only to go back to the hospital a couple of hours later and had my baby at 10:15 that night.

My sister-in-law does not reply to me in texts and has since unfriended me on Facebook. Not that I really care about that.

I just want to know if I was an a-hole for what I said… and, in hindsight, perhaps I shouldn’t have been texting in the group chat while in labor.

So, Reddit, was I an a-hole?

Edit: I meant to elaborate on the c-section detail, which definitely makes me come across as someone who looks down on her for it. Which I do not.

Her first baby was a preemie, and she had an emergency c-section. Her youngest two were scheduled. The point I was trying to make was that our experiences with pregnancy and childbirth are completely different, which I could have said without the c-section fact. My apologies.

Edit: A little more info about my sister-in-law and my relationship.

She thinks she’s the matriarch of the family, even if she won’t admit it. We recently moved out of state, only 2 hours away—a long drive, but not as long as they treat it—a few months before I gave birth, and she started cutting us out of family get-togethers and even created a whole new group chat without my husband and me.

She is always shocked at how intelligent my husband is because he went to community college instead of a university, like she did. I didn’t go to college. I saw no point in going into debt; I didn’t know what I would go to college for, so I decided to wait. So she often treats me like I am unintelligent.

I think the snappy text was probably long incoming, but it was poorly timed and shouldn’t have been in a group chat. It was not the first time I had gone off on her in a group chat either.

She singled me out a few months prior, questioning my ability to care for my kids by myself while my husband was away for a couple of days.

Yes, in the big family group chat. So I snapped back. My husband saw the message before me and said, “I’ll let you handle her,” as he held me back many times beforehand to keep peace.

Like I said, it was possibly poorly timed but long incoming.

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the original poster (OP) is not the asshole (NTA) for their reaction to their sister-in-law’s (SIL) unsolicited advice during labor. Many users empathize with the OP’s situation, emphasizing that being in labor warrants some grace and that the SIL’s behavior was inappropriate and condescending, especially given the OP’s experience with childbirth. Overall, the comments highlight a shared understanding that unsolicited advice, particularly in sensitive situations like labor, is unwelcome and can be harmful.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict

Family dynamics can be challenging, especially during significant life events like childbirth. Here are some practical steps for both the original poster (OP) and the sister-in-law (SIL) to help resolve their conflict and improve their relationship moving forward:

For the Original Poster (OP)

Reflect on Emotions: Take some time to process your feelings about the situation. Acknowledge that labor is an emotional and physically taxing experience, and it’s natural to feel frustrated when receiving unsolicited advice.
Reach Out: Consider sending a private message to your SIL. Acknowledge the tension and express your desire to clear the air. You might say something like, “I appreciate your concern during my labor, but I felt overwhelmed by the advice at that moment.”
Set Boundaries: If you feel comfortable, discuss boundaries regarding advice in the future. Let her know that while you value her input, you prefer to seek advice on your own terms.
Focus on the Positive: Share updates about your new baby and express excitement about family gatherings. This can help shift the focus from the conflict to positive family interactions.

For the Sister-in-Law (SIL)

Self-Reflection: Take a moment to reflect on your response during the OP’s labor. Consider how your comments may have come across as condescending, especially given the OP’s experience.
Apologize: If you feel it’s appropriate, reach out to the OP and apologize for your comments. A simple acknowledgment of her feelings can go a long way in mending the relationship.
Offer Support: Instead of advice, offer your support. Ask how you can help or if she needs anything. This can help rebuild trust and show that you care about her well-being.
Communicate Openly: If you have concerns about parenting or family matters, consider discussing them privately rather than in a group chat. This can prevent misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

For Both Parties

Establish Open Communication: Make a commitment to communicate openly and honestly with each other. This can help prevent future misunderstandings and foster a more supportive family environment.
Seek Common Ground: Focus on shared interests, such as family gatherings or the new baby. Finding common ground can help strengthen your relationship.
Consider Family Counseling: If tensions persist, consider seeking the help of a family counselor. A neutral third party can facilitate discussions and help both sides express their feelings constructively.

Conflict resolution takes time and effort from both parties. By approaching the situation with empathy and a willingness to understand each other, both the OP and SIL can work towards a healthier and more supportive relationship.