AITA for not going to DND because I am pregnant?
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When Pregnancy Takes a Toll on Relationships
A pregnant woman grapples with severe morning sickness while her husband insists on sticking to their Dungeons & Dragons plans, leading to a heated confrontation about selfishness and support. As she struggles to balance her health and family responsibilities, the tension reveals deeper issues in their marriage. This relatable scenario highlights the challenges many couples face when one partner feels overwhelmed and unsupported, especially during significant life changes like pregnancy. Will this couple find a way to communicate and grow together, or is this a sign of deeper problems?
Family Drama and Conflict Resolution: A Pregnant Wife’s Dilemma
A 22-year-old woman, who we’ll refer to as the wife, has been married to her husband, Dave, for five years. They have a young daughter named Brianne and are expecting another child. The wife is currently experiencing severe morning sickness, which has led to a significant family conflict regarding their regular Dungeons & Dragons (DND) game nights.
- The wife is 10 weeks pregnant and has been feeling extremely nauseous, having thrown up multiple times in one day.
- Every other Wednesday, the couple drops off Brianne at a grandparent’s house to attend their DND game.
- Despite her condition, the wife has been taking Brianne to work with her at a preschool, even on days when Dave is off.
- On the day of the conflict, the wife was resting during Brianne’s nap when Dave insisted they leave for DND immediately.
- The wife expressed her need to rest and suggested that Dave could still attend without her.
- Dave became frustrated, insisting that they had agreed to attend DND together and threatened to tell their friends that she didn’t want to go.
- Feeling overwhelmed, the wife texted the group to explain her absence due to her illness, receiving supportive responses from friends.
- Afterward, Dave decided to leave Brianne at home instead of taking her to the grandparents, which upset the wife.
- The wife accused Dave of being selfish and expressed her concerns about his ability to care for their daughter if he couldn’t treat her with respect.
- Despite his harsh tone towards her, Dave was sweet to Brianne as he prepared to leave.
- After the incident, Dave sent an apology text, leaving the wife questioning whether she was in the wrong for canceling their plans.
Update on the Situation
Following the conflict, the wife received an unexpected amount of feedback from the online community, prompting her to reflect on her relationship with Dave. Here are the key points from her update:
- Many commenters suggested that she consider leaving Dave, but she clarified that this incident was out of character for him.
- She acknowledged that Dave struggles with selfishness but emphasized that he is usually open to communication.
- The couple had a heartfelt conversation where the wife expressed her feelings of being unloved and uncared for due to Dave’s behavior.
- Dave responded positively, apologizing and expressing a desire to improve for the sake of their family.
- Following their discussion, Dave made efforts to show his commitment, including bringing home gifts and taking on more responsibilities.
- The wife recognized that while selfishness can be a bad habit, she is willing to support Dave as he works to change.
- She concluded that she wants to stay in the relationship, believing that Dave has a good heart and that this incident does not define him.
This situation highlights the complexities of family drama and the importance of conflict resolution in maintaining a healthy relationship, especially during challenging times like pregnancy.
This is Original story from Reddit
Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)
Story
I have been with my husband, let’s call him Dave, for 5 years. We have a little girl together, who I will refer to as Brianne. I am currently pregnant with our next child.
I am 10 weeks along, so it’s prime time for nausea and vomiting, and I have been experiencing a LOT of it. Every other Wednesday, my husband and I drop off our daughter at a grandparent’s house so we can play DND with our group. Today, I have thrown up 3 times and do not feel any better.
I work at a preschool, so I am lucky to be able to bring my daughter to work. I work Monday to Friday. My husband has Tuesdays and Wednesdays off and works weekends.
Even on the days Dave has off, I still take Brianne to work so he can really rest. On the weekends, I am still a mom, and Dave cannot take Brianne, so breaks are hard to come by. I was sleeping during Brianne’s nap today when my husband shook me awake to say we needed to leave right now to go to DND.
I immediately had a headache from probably being dehydrated and felt sick, so I told him I think I need to rest and not go this time. Dave was obviously frustrated, and he said, “I put my foot down, you are going.” He said we agreed to do this every other Wednesday, so we are doing it.
I told him he can still go without me. Dave continued on to say, “Well, I am just going to tell everyone, you didn’t want to come.” I told him that’s not true; I did not want to miss out, but I need to rest and not put my body through more activities right now.
So I texted the group chat to let them know I am not coming because I have been throwing up and need to rest. The whole group was very kind and understanding, saying, “We will protect Orok my character!” and “Get better!” Which was nice and actually made me tear up a little because it made me feel cared about.
Soon after I sent that to the chat, Dave said he is leaving Brianne home. I asked, “Why can you not take her still so that I can actually rest?” He said it is a waste of time to take her to grandma’s when he can just leave her here with me.
He has been fully aware of how sick I have been these past couple of weeks, as he has heard me throwing up in the bathroom. So, I told him that he is being selfish and is only thinking about himself. He got extremely flustered and started to get our daughter ready.
I told him his frustration towards me and lack of care is making me scared, and he should leave our daughter at home. Now, Dave was ignoring me. I started to plead with him to leave her here because, in my mind during this, I thought, if he cannot treat his wife with love and respect, I cannot trust him to do the same with our daughter.
He talked sweetly to Brianne in spite of his attitude towards me, though. On his way out, he was short and harsh in tone when saying bye. He texted me literally 40 minutes ago with an apology, but I am debating on if I really have anything to apologize for too.
He really got me wondering, AITA for cancelling plans?
UPDATE
First of all, thank you all for your replies! I was not expecting so many people to have interest in this story, so that was a surprise. I wish I could give you all an exciting, crazy update, but this is actually a simple and good one.
Many of you suggested that I up and leave Dave and that I am TA for procreating with Dave. I understand your POV, as I did not share about Dave in the best of light. This was one of those rare, out-of-normal behavior instances for him.
My husband does struggle with selfishness at times, but he is always open to talking about things, so that is what we did. I sat Dave down and told him that his selfishness is making me feel unloved and not cared for, and I am not sure if that is someone who I would like to spend my energy on or if it is fair to our kids.
He did not get mad or defensive when I said this. I brought up our DND incident plus others that portrayed selfishness, and he apologized, saying he wants to do better for me and our kids because we deserve better than what he has been giving. He was being genuine with lots of hugs.
I told him as long as he works on it and chooses to be more selfless, we have nothing to worry about. The next day, he brought me gifts when he got home from work, which was a nice gesture to show he was thinking about me. Since talking about everything, Dave has stepped up a lot, offering to drive Lyla places and by taking on more things at home.
He is genuinely trying. Selfishness is a bad habit, and I’m not saying it is my job to fix anyone’s habits because it is not, but everyone deserves a little grace, and I am happy to help someone who is clearly trying to be better and is willing to fight to change. I had bad habits when we first started to date, and he was there for me and helped me become better, although it was not his job either.
I know a lot of you think leaving is the best option, but I would like to stay because Dave does have a good heart, and this little snippet story of our lives is not a fair representation of who he is as a person. If he does not end up changing, that is a road I will have to cross later, but for now, my husband is doing what I am needing from him and as a parent.
View the Original Reddit Post Here
Summary of Reddit Comments
The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the original poster (OP) is not at fault (NTA) for wanting a break during her pregnancy. Many users express concern about her husband’s lack of support and question his overall contribution to their relationship, suggesting that his behavior may be indicative of deeper issues. The comments emphasize the need for OP to reassess her situation and consider her well-being and that of her children.
Overall Verdict: NTA
Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict
Conflict in relationships, especially during challenging times like pregnancy, can be difficult to navigate. Here are some practical steps for both the wife and Dave to help resolve their conflict and strengthen their relationship:
For the Wife
- Prioritize Self-Care: Acknowledge your need for rest and self-care during this challenging time. Communicate your physical and emotional needs clearly to Dave.
- Open Dialogue: Continue to express your feelings honestly. Share how his actions made you feel unloved and unsupported, and encourage him to share his feelings as well.
- Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries regarding your health and well-being. Let Dave know when you need him to step up and support you, especially during your pregnancy.
- Seek Support: Consider reaching out to friends or family for additional support. This can help alleviate some of the pressure on both you and Dave.
For Dave
- Practice Empathy: Take time to understand your wife’s perspective. Recognize that her pregnancy is a significant change that requires your support and understanding.
- Communicate Openly: Share your feelings about the DND game nights and why they are important to you. However, be open to compromise and listen to your wife’s needs.
- Take Responsibility: Acknowledge your behavior during the conflict and the impact it had on your wife. Apologize sincerely and express your commitment to improving.
- Be Proactive: Show your commitment to the family by taking on more responsibilities, especially when your wife is feeling unwell. This can help rebuild trust and demonstrate your support.
For Both Partners
- Schedule Regular Check-Ins: Set aside time each week to discuss feelings, concerns, and any issues that may arise. This can help prevent misunderstandings and build a stronger connection.
- Consider Professional Help: If conflicts persist, consider seeking couples therapy. A professional can provide guidance and tools to improve communication and resolve deeper issues.
- Focus on Teamwork: Remind each other that you are a team. Work together to find solutions that benefit both of you and your children, reinforcing your partnership.
By taking these steps, both the wife and Dave can work towards resolving their conflict and fostering a healthier, more supportive relationship during this important time in their lives.
Join the Discussion
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What do you think? Would you have handled this differently?
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