March 27, 2025

AITA for publicly telling my ex coworker that I don’t like them?

Inline AITA Image 1 Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Awkward Encounters and Uninvited Guests

When a woman unexpectedly runs into a former coworker at her birthday celebration, tensions rise as past grievances resurface. Despite her attempts to keep the interaction civil, her blunt honesty leads to an uncomfortable confrontation that leaves everyone at the table shocked. This relatable tale explores the challenges of navigating social situations, especially for those with neurodivergent experiences, and raises questions about how to handle unwanted connections in a world where politeness often clashes with personal boundaries.

Family Drama and Conflict Resolution at a Birthday Celebration

In a recent incident that unfolded during a birthday celebration, a 32-year-old woman (let’s call her Alex) encountered an ex-coworker, Sara, at a bar. The situation escalated quickly, leading to a conflict that raised questions about social boundaries and communication. Here’s a breakdown of the events:

Background:
- Alex and Sara worked together for two years at a fast food restaurant.
- Alex left the job in January 2025, and she had never liked Sara due to her management style and personality.
Unexpected Encounter:
- While celebrating her birthday with friends, Alex ran into Sara at the bar.
- They engaged in a brief conversation, during which Sara asked Alex for a job recommendation at her new company.
- Alex felt uncomfortable and declined to recommend her, which Sara dismissed with a joke.
Escalation:
- After their conversation, Sara followed Alex to her table where her friends were seated.
- Without thinking, Alex bluntly told Sara, “I don’t like you, can you please leave?”
- This statement shocked everyone at the table, as they had no context about Sara’s past behavior.
Reactions:
- Sara reacted by calling Alex rude and a “bitch,” claiming she was embarrassed.
- Alex’s friends were confused and uncomfortable, initially believing Sara was a friend of Alex’s.
- After Sara left, Alex’s friends expressed their support, criticizing Sara’s behavior and validating Alex’s feelings.
Reflection:
- Alex felt guilty about her bluntness and considered whether she could have handled the situation more tactfully.
- She acknowledged her autism and how it affects her social interactions, leading her to reflect on better ways to communicate in the future.
- Despite her initial feelings of guilt, Alex’s friends reassured her that she was not in the wrong.

This incident highlights the complexities of family drama and conflict resolution in social settings. While Alex’s response was blunt, it stemmed from a long history of discomfort with Sara’s behavior. The support from her friends suggests that understanding and context are crucial in navigating such tense situations.

This is Original story from Reddit

Inline AITA Image 2 Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

I, a 32-year-old female, ran into an ex-coworker, Sara, a 31-year-old female, at a bar while I was out with friends celebrating my birthday. We worked together for two years at a fast food restaurant. I left this job in January 2025.

She was a shift lead, and I’ve never liked her. I didn’t like her management style or her personality. She came up to me at the bar, and we had a 10-minute conversation.

I thought it was cordial and polite. She was mostly asking me questions about my new job. She asked if I would recommend her for a job at my new company.

I got a job at a call center, nothing glamorous. I told her that I wasn’t comfortable with that. She brushed it off with a bad joke.

I ended the conversation and walked to the table my friends were at, and Sara followed me. I didn’t notice until I got to the table that she sat down next to me. My friends introduced themselves, and I, without thinking, said something along the lines of, “I don’t like you, can you please leave?”

I have autism, and I could tell that was not the correct thing to say. Everyone seemed uncomfortable, and Sara was visibly shocked and upset. My friends were shocked and confused.

They assumed that Sara was a friend or someone I invited to the table. They had zero context of who Sara is. Sara made a scene and told me that I was rude, a bitch, and a bunch of other things.

She said that I embarrassed her. She embarrassed herself by following me to my table uninvited. And yes, she knew it was my birthday.

I do feel bad and know that I could have formulated a polite response. But she’s a former coworker and an unpleasant one. I have many stories about her, but the worst example is that she made jokes about my autism and deafness multiple times.

She is fake nice, and her friendship style is bullying people. She has a really icky vibe. I don’t know what Sara wanted from me.

I wasn’t going to hang out with her, especially not on my birthday. So, AITA for telling her bluntly that I don’t like her?

Edit

I forgot to mention how my friends reacted after Sara left. They were really upset that she called me a bitch and collectively told her to leave. Sara left quickly, and I told them who she was.

They’ve heard stories about Sara for years. None of my friends thought I was an asshole. All of them were comforting and validating.

We ended up leaving the bar within the hour because I was overstimulated and felt so uncomfortable being at the bar. We went back to my apartment and hung out for a bit there.

The reason I thought I was an asshole is that I’ve been trying to be better about social situations. My friends are used to how I communicate and are biased. When I was reflecting on the situation, I was thinking of better ways to tell Sara to leave that wouldn’t have resulted in a scene or being berated.

Thank you to everyone who took the time to read my post. I can’t possibly respond to every comment, but I have read them all.

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a unanimous agreement that the original poster (OP) is not the asshole (NTA) for their bluntness towards Sara, who was perceived as manipulative and rude. Many users commend OP for setting boundaries and being clear about their discomfort, especially given Sara’s past behavior and her attempt to leverage social situations for personal gain. The comments highlight a strong sentiment that politeness should be reciprocal, and that OP’s response was both necessary and justified.

Overall Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict

Conflict in social settings can be challenging, especially when past experiences influence current interactions. Here are some practical steps for both Alex and Sara to consider in resolving their conflict and improving future interactions:

For Alex

Reflect on Communication Style:
- Consider how your bluntness may have impacted Sara. While honesty is important, finding a balance between honesty and tact can help in future interactions.
- Practice using “I” statements to express feelings without sounding accusatory. For example, “I feel uncomfortable when…” instead of “I don’t like you.”
Set Clear Boundaries:
- Identify your boundaries regarding social interactions and communicate them clearly when necessary. This can help prevent misunderstandings in the future.
- Consider discussing your discomfort with Sara in a calm setting, if you feel comfortable doing so. This could provide closure and clarity.
Seek Support:
- Continue to lean on your friends for support. They can provide perspective and help you navigate similar situations in the future.
- Consider talking to a therapist or counselor who can help you develop strategies for managing social interactions, especially considering your autism.

For Sara

Reflect on Past Behavior:
- Take time to consider how your management style and past interactions may have affected your relationship with Alex. Understanding this can help you grow personally and professionally.
- Recognize that asking for a job recommendation from someone who has expressed discomfort with you may not be appropriate.
Practice Empathy:
- Try to see the situation from Alex’s perspective. Acknowledging her feelings can help you understand why she reacted the way she did.
- Consider reaching out to Alex to apologize for any discomfort you may have caused in the past, if you feel it’s appropriate.
Improve Communication Skills:
- Work on developing better communication skills, especially in social settings. This can include being more aware of social cues and respecting others’ boundaries.
- Consider seeking feedback from trusted friends or colleagues on how to approach sensitive topics in the future.

Conclusion

Conflict resolution requires effort from both parties. By reflecting on their actions and improving communication skills, both Alex and Sara can work towards a more positive interaction in the future. Remember, understanding and empathy are key components in navigating social dynamics.