AITA for telling my dad he is dead to me
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When Abandonment Meets Unexpected Reunion
In a heart-wrenching tale of family dynamics, a 24-year-old woman confronts her estranged father for the first time after a lifetime of absence. What she hopes will be a moment of reconciliation quickly turns into a shocking plea for money, igniting a whirlwind of emotions and moral dilemmas. As she grapples with her feelings of betrayal and anger, the story raises thought-provoking questions about forgiveness, family loyalty, and the complexities of parental relationships. This relatable narrative resonates with anyone who has faced the challenges of navigating family ties and the impact of abandonment.
Family Drama: A Daughter’s Encounter with Her Absent Father
A 24-year-old woman, raised solely by her mother, recently faced a significant family conflict when her estranged father reached out after years of absence. Here’s a breakdown of the situation:
- Background: The woman grew up without her father, who left when she was just six months old. Her mother, at 18, had to balance raising a child and completing high school.
- Mother-Daughter Relationship: The daughter views her mother more as a best friend than a traditional parent due to their unique dynamic. Despite the challenges, she appreciates her mother’s efforts in raising her.
Recently, the daughter received a call from her paternal grandmother, who informed her that her father wanted to meet. This was the first contact she had with him in her life, leading to a mix of hope and apprehension.
- Meeting Expectations: The daughter hoped for an apology or explanation for her father’s absence, anticipating a heartfelt conversation.
- Unexpected Request: Upon meeting at Starbucks, her father surprised her by asking for money instead of offering an explanation or apology. This request ignited feelings of anger and betrayal.
In a moment of frustration, the daughter slapped her father and declared him “dead to me.” This reaction sparked a wave of family drama:
- Family Reactions: Her extended family and even her mother criticized her for the slap, suggesting it was too harsh and unwarranted.
- Self-Doubt: The daughter began to question her actions, wondering if she had overreacted and if she might face legal consequences.
As the situation unfolded, further complications arose:
- Grandmother’s Knowledge: The daughter learned that her grandmother was aware of her father’s intentions to ask for money, leading to a heated argument between them.
- Potential Legal Issues: Concerns emerged that her father might press charges for the slap, adding to the tension.
- Mother’s Support: Surprisingly, the daughter discovered that her mother was siding with her father, leaving her feeling confused and betrayed.
Amidst the turmoil, the daughter faced the challenge of navigating her final year of college while dealing with this family drama. She made some decisions to regain control:
- Cutting Ties: The daughter decided to distance herself from her paternal grandmother, believing it was the right choice for her well-being.
- Seeking Help: She encouraged her mother to attend therapy, hoping it would provide her with the support she needed.
This situation highlights the complexities of family dynamics, conflict resolution, and the emotional toll of unresolved issues. As the daughter continues to navigate her feelings and relationships, she seeks clarity and healing in a challenging time.
This is Original story from Reddit
Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)
Story
I, 24F, grew up with only my mom in my life. My dad left me when I was six months old. I guess he was thirsty and wanted to find the best milk in the world.
He disappeared on us and never contacted us once. My mom had to juggle taking care of a kid and finishing high school when she was 18 years old. He had graduated a year earlier.
I look at my mom as more of a best friend than a mom because of the fact that she didn’t really know how to take care of a child, so I grew up as an equal rather than a child. It’s been so hard on her, but she did an amazing job, and I love her for that.
Yesterday, my grandma on my dad’s side called and said he wanted to talk to me. I hadn’t heard from him all my life, and now all of a sudden, he wanted to talk. I arranged to meet with him at a Starbucks to talk.
I hoped and prayed that he was going to apologize and give an excuse, any excuse, about why he left us. I would have even been happy with a “I wasn’t ready for a child” or a “I didn’t love your mom like that.” Do you know what he said when I walked in that Starbucks and sat down?
“I need money.” I felt so much anger that the first time I’m ever hearing from my father is him begging for money. I got up, slapped him, and then told him he is dead to me.
I thought what I did was justified, but my extended family and even my mom are saying I was way too harsh and shouldn’t have slapped him. I’m starting to doubt whether I should have told him that.
So, AITA?
Edit: For the people who asked or were wondering, my mom had shown me pictures of my “dad” when I first asked why I didn’t have one.
Edit 2: Thanks for all the replies; I didn’t expect to get so many. A lot of you have been saying I shouldn’t have smacked him, and a few said I could get into legal trouble. Is there any real risk of me being arrested for this? Any advice would be appreciated.
Edit 3: For anyone wondering how hard I slapped him, think of Will Smith and Chris Rock.
Super mini update: I had a quick talk with my grandma on my dad’s side, and apparently, she did know that he wanted money. I don’t want to cut her off for it, but we did get into a screaming match over it.
However, she did kindly inform me that my “dad” was going to try and press charges, like some of you thought he would. The slap was a mistake I wish I could take back.
Another super mini update: I have a problem. My mom is on my dad’s side. I have no idea why. I don’t understand how she could be on the side of the crap head that just left her.
Maybe she still has love for him after 24 years. I’m lost. Now EVERYONE is telling me I was wrong, and I don’t know, maybe I should just give him the money at this point.
I can’t deal with all the drama while I’m in my last year of college.
Update 3: This one is going to be quick since I have to study for my exams. The gist of it is that I cut out my paternal grandmother from my life. It wasn’t an easy decision to make, but I knew it was right.
Another thing is that I got my mom to agree to go to therapy, so hopefully, she gets the help she needs. Thank you to all the people who commented and gave advice. I’ll update more as soon as I can.
View the Original Reddit Post Here
Summary of Reddit Comments
The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the original poster (OP) is not at fault for their reaction to their estranged father’s request for money. Many users express admiration for OP’s assertiveness, emphasizing that the father’s long history of abandonment negates any right to expect financial support from OP. The comments highlight a shared belief that OP’s feelings of anger and resentment are justified, and that the father’s actions are inexcusable.
- Verdict: NTA
Expert Advice for Resolving Family Conflict
Family conflicts, especially those involving estranged relationships, can be incredibly challenging to navigate. In this situation, both the daughter and her father have deep-seated emotions and unresolved issues that need to be addressed. Here are some practical steps for both sides to consider in order to facilitate healing and resolution:
For the Daughter
- Reflect on Your Feelings: Take time to process your emotions regarding your father’s absence and his recent request. Journaling can be a helpful tool to articulate your thoughts and feelings.
- Set Boundaries: It’s important to establish clear boundaries with your father and grandmother. Communicate what you are comfortable with moving forward, and be firm in your decisions.
- Consider Professional Support: Engaging with a therapist can provide you with a safe space to explore your feelings and develop coping strategies for the family dynamics at play.
- Communicate Openly: If you feel ready, consider having a calm conversation with your father about your feelings. Express your hurt and disappointment regarding his absence and the request for money, but do so in a way that prioritizes your emotional safety.
- Focus on Self-Care: Prioritize your well-being during this tumultuous time. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, and lean on supportive friends or mentors.
For the Father
- Self-Reflection: Take time to reflect on your past actions and the impact they have had on your daughter. Acknowledge the pain your absence may have caused.
- Apologize Sincerely: If you wish to rebuild your relationship, a heartfelt apology is essential. Acknowledge your mistakes and express genuine remorse for your absence and the way you approached the recent meeting.
- Seek Help: Consider attending therapy to address any personal issues that may have contributed to your estrangement from your daughter. This can also help you understand how to approach relationships more healthily.
- Respect Her Boundaries: Understand that your daughter may need time and space to process her feelings. Respect her decisions regarding communication and interaction.
- Be Patient: Rebuilding trust takes time. Be prepared for the possibility that your daughter may not be ready to engage with you immediately, and allow her the time she needs.
Moving Forward
Family dynamics can be complex, and healing often requires patience and understanding from all parties involved. By taking these steps, both the daughter and her father can work towards a healthier relationship, whether that means reconciliation or establishing a respectful distance. Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your emotional health and seek support during this process.
Join the Discussion
Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)
What do you think? Would you have handled this differently?
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