AITA for telling my husband I want a divorce.
Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)
Is She the Asshole for Wanting a Divorce After Years of Struggle?
After 18 years of marriage, a woman reaches her breaking point, feeling more like a single mother than a partner. Following a life-altering accident, she discovers her husband’s lack of support and questionable spending habits, leading her to question their entire relationship. As she fights to regain her independence, she grapples with the emotional toll of being neglected and disrespected. This story resonates with anyone who has ever felt unappreciated in a partnership, raising questions about love, sacrifice, and the true meaning of commitment.
Family Drama: A Decision for Divorce
After 18 years of marriage, a woman has decided to seek a divorce from her husband due to ongoing issues that have led to significant family drama and emotional distress. Here’s a summary of her situation:
- Background: The woman suffered a severe accident that resulted in multiple spinal fractures, leading to a long recovery period.
- Financial Strain: During her recovery, her husband was unemployed and they relied on her worker’s compensation. Despite this, he was found to be paying for pornography, which she found unacceptable given their financial situation.
- Household Responsibilities: While she was bedridden, her children took on the responsibility of ensuring she ate and helped her with daily tasks, as her husband did not assist.
- Job Search Issues: The husband refused to look for work during her recovery, which added to her frustration. She eventually applied for a job on his behalf without his knowledge, leading to him getting hired.
- Work-Life Balance: After securing a job, he took on a second job voluntarily, leaving little time for family interactions. This led her to feel increasingly isolated.
- Attempts at Reconnection: She attempted to encourage him to plan a trip for them, as she had always been the one to organize their vacations. However, he did not take action, prompting her to feel neglected.
- Decision to Divorce: After consulting a lawyer, she informed her husband of her decision to divorce. He expressed a desire to improve, but she struggled to reconnect after feeling alone for so long.
- Emotional Impact: The husband attributed her changes in behavior to her head injury, suggesting that it altered her personality. This claim was influenced by a family member of his who has a negative view of her.
- Feeling Undervalued: She expressed feelings of being disrespected and treated as a single mother while still married, especially with five children to care for.
In light of these circumstances, she questions whether she is in the wrong for wanting a divorce, given the emotional toll and lack of support she has experienced throughout their marriage.
This situation highlights the complexities of conflict resolution within a marriage, especially when faced with significant life challenges such as health issues and financial strain. The wedding tension that arises from unmet expectations and emotional disconnect can lead to difficult decisions, such as the one she is now facing.
This is Original story from Reddit
Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)
Story
Sorry for the long post. I have been married for 18 years. I told my husband I want a divorce.
I am tired of doing everything and feel like I don’t have a partner. Backstory: A few years ago, I had a bad accident to the point of fracturing my spinal cord in 5 places. During recovery, I found out he was paying for porn.
I do not have an issue with him watching, but paying, yes. He was not working; we were surviving off my worker’s comp. While on bed rest, I had to order groceries because he said he couldn’t do it.
That was more money we could have saved. I think he cooked the first 3 days. After that, my kids were the ones to make sure I ate.
My kids helped me get in and out of bed. If my oldest children were gone to work or school, I had to order food to make sure my kids and I ate. My recovery took a very long time.
I am not back to normal; I can’t do things I did before. During this time, my husband refused to look for a job. So I was not happy at all.
I pushed myself to try to get back to my old position because we needed the money. But I ended up hurting myself more. I put in an application for a job for him and didn’t tell him.
They called him, and he got the job. But then he also picked up a second job by choice; he didn’t need it. So he worked so much that there was no time for family.
He didn’t even have time to sleep. So I got used to being alone. Now I think it is dumb that I paid for him to go to Las Vegas.
I told him if I do it, he has to plan a trip for us. I did this to see if he would take the time to do it. I planned everything for us our whole marriage.
Well, he didn’t do it, so I told him one more time we need our time together. He said, “I know,” but then doesn’t do it. That’s when I made the choice to divorce him.
I didn’t tell him until after I spoke to a lawyer. He said he would do better. Around this time, the second job closed down, so he was home.
But it was very hard for me to be all happy and open because I was alone for so long—over a year—while he was doing the two jobs. The second job was not needed.
The second job money was his play money, only used if we were short on something. I didn’t even want sex. No, I wasn’t cheating.
But he has cheated many times in our marriage. So, being that I have become closed off, I am now refusing to accept his old behavior.
He tells me I changed and that I am only acting like this because I had a head injury in the accident, and he says that has changed me. This has only been said after he talked to a family member on his side that doesn’t like me.
So now I am a miserable person with a head injury that has changed me. I am tired of being treated like I’m not important, being disrespected, and being made a single mother while married.
I had 5 kids, not 4. So, am I the asshole for telling my husband I want a divorce?
View the Original Reddit Post Here
Summary of Reddit Comments
The top Reddit comments strongly support the notion that the individual in question is not the asshole (NTA) for considering divorce. Users emphasize that the partner’s lack of support during recovery, infidelity, and overall neglect in the relationship justify the decision to leave. Many commenters highlight the importance of self-worth and happiness, encouraging the individual to move on and reclaim their life.
Overall Verdict: NTA
Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict
In situations like this, where emotional distress and significant life challenges have strained a marriage, it’s essential to approach conflict resolution with empathy and understanding. Here are some practical steps for both parties to consider:
For the Wife
- Prioritize Self-Care: Focus on your emotional and physical well-being. Engage in activities that bring you joy and help you heal from your experiences.
- Seek Professional Support: Consider talking to a therapist or counselor who specializes in relationship issues. They can provide guidance and help you process your feelings.
- Communicate Clearly: If you choose to have further discussions with your husband, express your feelings and needs clearly. Use “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory (e.g., “I feel neglected when…”).
- Set Boundaries: If you decide to proceed with the divorce, establish clear boundaries regarding communication and co-parenting to protect your emotional space.
- Explore Your Options: Take time to consider what you want for your future. Whether it’s pursuing the divorce or seeking reconciliation, ensure it aligns with your happiness and well-being.
For the Husband
- Reflect on Your Actions: Take time to consider how your behavior has impacted your wife and family. Acknowledge the emotional toll your decisions may have caused.
- Seek Counseling: Consider individual therapy to address any underlying issues that may have contributed to your actions and to better understand your wife’s perspective.
- Open a Dialogue: If your wife is open to it, initiate a calm and honest conversation about the state of your marriage. Listen actively to her feelings without becoming defensive.
- Take Responsibility: Acknowledge your role in the relationship’s challenges. Avoid blaming her health issues for the problems; instead, focus on how you can improve moving forward.
- Show Commitment to Change: If you genuinely want to work on the marriage, demonstrate your commitment through actions, not just words. This could include taking on more household responsibilities or prioritizing family time.
For Both Parties
- Consider Mediation: If divorce is on the table, consider working with a mediator to facilitate discussions about co-parenting and financial arrangements. This can help reduce conflict and ensure both parties feel heard.
- Focus on the Children: Regardless of the outcome, prioritize the well-being of your children. Ensure they feel loved and supported throughout this transition.
- Be Patient: Healing and resolution take time. Allow yourselves the space to process emotions and make decisions that are best for both of you.
Ultimately, the goal is to find a path that leads to healing and fulfillment for both individuals, whether that means working towards reconciliation or amicably parting ways. Remember, prioritizing your happiness and well-being is essential in any relationship.
Join the Discussion
Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)
What do you think? Would you have handled this differently?
Share your thoughts below! Vote: Do you agree with Reddit’s verdict?
