AITA for “wanting to still play video games” after being married?
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Struggling to Balance Hobbies and Marriage
After moving to Germany to be with her husband, a woman finds herself at odds with him over her passion for gaming. While he believes gaming is a waste of time that doesn’t contribute to their future, she sees it as a vital escape from homesickness and a cherished hobby. This relatable conflict highlights the challenge of maintaining individual interests within a marriage, especially when cultural differences and personal expectations come into play. Can she find a way to pursue her passion without feeling guilty or unsupported?
Family Drama Over Gaming: A Conflict Resolution Dilemma
A woman recently moved to Germany to join her husband, leaving behind her gaming PC. This transition has sparked family drama and wedding tension as she navigates her husband’s views on gaming and hobbies.
- Husband’s Perspective:
- Believes gaming does not contribute to their future.
- Encourages her to find a new hobby that aligns with their financial goals.
- Wife’s Perspective:
- Struggles with homesickness and language barriers in Germany.
- Sees gaming as a source of comfort and enjoyment.
- Currently limited to playing on her Mac, which is no longer functional.
The wife feels frustrated by her husband’s lack of support for her hobby. She questions whether every activity in life must have a practical purpose and argues for the importance of individual interests within a marriage. Despite wanting to include her husband in the decision to purchase a new gaming rig, she did not receive the emotional validation she sought.
- Key Points of Conflict:
- Wife’s desire to maintain her gaming hobby versus husband’s practical outlook.
- Husband’s reluctance to share his PC and preference for console gaming, which the wife does not enjoy.
- Wife’s feelings of being dismissed when expressing her needs.
Despite their love for each other, the couple faces challenges in understanding each other’s needs. The wife has supported her husband’s interests but feels her own passions are not reciprocated. She expresses that life is too short to forgo the little joys that make her happy.
- Additional Context:
- The wife is 30 years old and has a background in gaming and marketing.
- She is currently learning German and trying to integrate into her new environment.
- She has her own savings and is not asking her husband to finance her gaming rig.
In light of these circumstances, the wife wonders if she is being unreasonable for wanting to pursue her gaming hobby as a married woman. She grapples with the idea of whether she should prioritize her role as a wife and future mother over her personal interests.
This situation highlights the complexities of conflict resolution in relationships, particularly when it comes to balancing individual hobbies and shared responsibilities. The couple must navigate their differing views to find a resolution that respects both partners’ needs and interests.
This is Original story from Reddit
Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)
Story
I recently moved to Germany to be with my husband. Hence, I have left everything I didn’t need or couldn’t bring, which of course included my gaming PC. My husband knows I’ve been into gaming ever since. However, recently he has made me feel the need to move on from it.
His POV
- Gaming does not help us in the future. I kind of understand what he’s saying because literally, it won’t help us financially or whatever.
- I should find a new hobby that will help us in the future?
My POV
- I barely speak German, the weather is shit here. And gaming makes me feel less homesick. This has been my hobby ever since, and I enjoy doing it. Period.
- I’ve settled for playing on my MAC until it wouldn’t charge anymore. Hence, I found the perfect opportunity to replace it with a new rig, but my husband again is saying how can this help us?
What I Don’t Understand
- Does everything we do in life have to help us? Can’t we entertain the thought that people have hobbies and other interests?
- Can’t we accept the fact that although we are married, we are still two different individuals who have separate hobbies and interests?
- I wanted to buy the rig and not tell him and just come home with it, but I wanted to include him in the process. So I told him I wanted to, and instead did not get the emotional support or validation I was hoping for. So now I am upset.
He has hobbies and interests too, but I have done nothing but cheer him on and support him. My mentality is life is too short not to enjoy the little things that make you happy. When I tell him how I feel, he brushes me off, saying he does not want to argue with a 10-year-old.
I love him. And despite it all, I know he loves me. Just not the way I need to be loved, I guess.
Additional Thoughts
Oh, in addition to this, he has a PC. When I asked him for the password, he said he gave it to me before. I don’t remember, that’s why I ask, but he doesn’t give it directly. Thus, making me feel like he just doesn’t want to let me borrow it?
He also says I should just play with the PS5, but I’m not a console gamer. I don’t enjoy it; hence, it makes me feel like that is a waste of time.
Questions
Am I the asshole for wanting to play video games as a married woman? Should I just make my life about being a wife and a future mom?
EDIT for the Recurring Questions
I am 30F. My last job before getting laid off was for a gaming company, a pretty big one too. I’ve been working the last 10 years after finishing my MA degree in different industries as a Marketing professional, so I have a bit of money saved up prior to moving. Plus, my parents are okay; we are comfortable in my home country.
I’ve finished learning German formally to B1 (A1, A2, and B1), but I will say my German is a strong A2 and beginner B1 at best.
My SO is German 30M, and I am Southeast Asian. We have been in a relationship for 5 years, and I recently just moved to DE this January.
I currently do not have work since I just moved. I practice my German when I go to the supermarket or with my husband’s family. I watch TV series that are in Deutsch and indulge myself in German memes, even though I don’t understand half of them, so I am trying and not locking myself up.
I am not asking him to pay for my rig; I have money to buy my own. I am, for one, including him in this decision since I don’t ever want him to feel blindsided, even though this is my money. What I wanted was a bit of support and validation from him for me to go enjoy my hobby.
View the Original Reddit Post Here
Summary of Reddit Comments
The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the husband is being controlling and disrespectful by imposing restrictions on his wife’s hobbies, particularly gaming. Many users emphasize that hobbies do not need to be productive or financially beneficial, and they express concern over the husband’s attempts to dictate what is acceptable in the relationship. The overall sentiment suggests that the wife deserves autonomy and respect, and that the husband’s behavior could lead to further issues in their marriage.
Verdict: YTA
Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict
In navigating the complexities of this situation, it’s essential for both partners to approach the conflict with empathy and a willingness to understand each other’s perspectives. Here are some practical steps to help resolve the conflict:
For the Wife
- Communicate Openly: Schedule a calm and uninterrupted time to discuss your feelings with your husband. Express how gaming provides you comfort and joy, especially during this transition period.
- Share Your Needs: Clearly articulate your need for personal hobbies and how they contribute to your overall well-being. Emphasize that maintaining your interests does not detract from your role as a wife.
- Propose Compromise: Suggest finding a balance between your gaming hobby and shared activities. Perhaps you can set aside specific times for gaming while also engaging in activities together that align with your husband’s interests.
- Explore New Hobbies Together: Consider finding a new hobby that you can both enjoy. This could help bridge the gap between your interests and foster a sense of partnership.
For the Husband
- Listen Actively: Make an effort to listen to your wife’s perspective without interrupting. Acknowledge her feelings and the importance of her hobbies in her life.
- Reflect on Your Views: Consider why you feel gaming is not a valid hobby. Reflect on the value of personal interests and how they contribute to a healthy relationship.
- Support Her Autonomy: Recognize that your wife is an individual with her own passions. Encourage her to pursue her interests, even if they differ from your own.
- Discuss Financial Goals Together: Instead of imposing restrictions, engage in a conversation about financial priorities. Discuss how both of your hobbies can fit into your financial plans without compromising each other’s happiness.
Joint Steps
- Set Boundaries: Establish boundaries around personal hobbies and shared responsibilities. Agree on how much time and resources can be allocated to individual interests.
- Seek Professional Help: If the conflict persists, consider couples counseling. A neutral third party can facilitate discussions and help both partners understand each other’s needs better.
- Celebrate Each Other’s Interests: Make a conscious effort to celebrate each other’s hobbies. Attend gaming events together or engage in discussions about each other’s interests to foster mutual respect.
By taking these steps, both partners can work towards a resolution that honors their individual needs while strengthening their relationship. Remember, a successful marriage thrives on understanding, respect, and compromise.
Join the Discussion
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What do you think? Would you have handled this differently?
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