AITA if I don’t watch my friends son anymore?
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AITA for Stopping Babysitting My Friend’s Son?
When a young woman agrees to help her friend by babysitting her son, she quickly finds herself in over her head as her friend’s family dynamics spiral out of control. After juggling work-from-home responsibilities and unexpected health issues, she learns that her friend’s husband has been less than honest about their childcare arrangements. As tensions rise and her fiancé’s job is jeopardized, she must decide whether to continue this unreciprocated favor or prioritize her own well-being. This relatable tale highlights the complexities of friendship, boundaries, and the often-unspoken expectations that come with helping others.
AITA for No Longer Watching My Friend’s Son?
In a situation filled with family drama and wedding tension, a 24-year-old woman finds herself in conflict with her friend over babysitting arrangements. Here’s a breakdown of the events leading to her decision:
- Background: The narrator works from home and has a fiancé. She befriends a 38-year-old woman at a work Christmas party.
- Initial Agreement: After losing her job, the narrator agrees to babysit her friend’s son occasionally, without any payment involved.
- Friend’s Marital Issues: The friend’s husband has a history of infidelity, but the narrator chooses to remain uninvolved in their personal drama.
- Job Resumption: The narrator secures a work-from-home job, but finds it challenging to babysit while on calls, leading her to decline further babysitting requests.
- Emergency Request: In December, the friend calls in tears, explaining that her husband has been laid off and they can’t afford daycare. The narrator agrees to help out for a few days a week in January.
- Miscommunication: The friend cancels daycare entirely without informing the narrator, leading to misunderstandings about the babysitting arrangement.
- Health Concerns: The narrator discovers the child has RSV after the friend drops him off, raising concerns about her own health.
- Fiancé’s Frustration: The friend’s husband fails to pick up their son as promised, leading to tension between the narrator and her fiancé, who feels disrespected.
- Workplace Conflict: The fiancé loses out on significant pay due to being left with inexperienced temps at work, which he attributes to the friend’s husband’s actions.
- Final Decision: Feeling overwhelmed and uncomfortable with the situation, the narrator contemplates stopping babysitting before the end of January as initially agreed.
The narrator is now questioning whether she is in the wrong for wanting to withdraw from the babysitting arrangement, given the escalating tensions and her fiancé’s strong feelings about the situation. The conflict resolution seems complicated, as both personal and professional boundaries have been crossed.
This is Original story from Reddit
Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)
AITA for no longer watching my friend’s son?
To start off, I work from home. I am 24 years old, and my fiancé is 27, and we do well for ourselves.
I met my friend, who is 38, at my fiancé’s work Christmas party. We hit it off, talking and hanging out. Everything was fine.
At one point, not long after we became friends, I lost my job and wasn’t in a rush to find a new one; I wanted to take my time. She had asked me to watch her son here and there, and I would accept; it was not a big deal. He’s adorable. If I had kids, I would hope someone would help me, kind of thing.
I never asked to get paid, and she never offered it. It just wasn’t necessary. Her husband has some issues and has frequently been unfaithful to her.
I had heard rumors about her but chose to ignore them; she seemed great, so I never concerned myself with the rumors and drama. Not my circus, not my monkeys. She seemed happy; that’s what I care about.
Fast forward four months, and I get a job. It’s work from home. She’s excited that I can still watch her son.
I make it work; no biggie. Well, it was a biggie, as I got in trouble because he started yelling in the background of a call. I got in trouble, calmly explained I couldn’t watch him anymore, and she still would try and call last minute to get me to take him, and I just had to say no.
Fast forward two months of not watching him; we really don’t hang out, and she doesn’t reach out to me or anything like that. We hit the end of December, and she calls me in tears. Her husband, who works at the same place my fiancé does, got laid off for a couple of weeks.
Their part-time daycare was $300 for a week. As they couldn’t afford it with her husband being off of work, they asked if I could watch him a couple of times a week, two or three days, just for the month of January. Everything is fine; I’m making it work; my fiancé is helping with him when he gets out.
It’s what you do for a friend, you know? They were putting him back in daycare; it was fine. WRONG. I am informed they canceled daycare altogether and are telling people I’m watching him full time.
The first strike was she dropped him off, and when he was napping, I noticed he was breathing weird and had a stuffy nose and would only contact nap. I called her right away; she said, “Yeah, I forgot to mention we were super sick this weekend; he has RSV.”
The next day, I’m not feeling well. A day after, I have a fever of 101. She calls me, and she’s like, “You don’t sound too good.” I tell her I have a fever.
She said, “Well, you can still watch him today, right?” I guess bring him over. The same day, she says her husband will pick him up because I had a meeting at 1. That’s fine because he works the same job as my fiancé.
They will be home by 12:30, so my fiancé gets home, and I say her husband should be here to get their son. My fiancé says nope, and her husband read the text out loud from my friend saying that he needed to pick their son up and then proceeded to say nope, he’s going to the golf simulator, and she can get him when she’s done.
So my fiancé is livid, and he had the audacity to tell my fiancé not to mention it to me at all. I texted my friend to let her know my fiancé is home and her husband still isn’t here. She apologized and said she’s on her way.
Nope, she went to Walmart and Sam’s Club. She picks him up while I’m in the meeting, and my fiancé is watching him; she texts me later laughing, saying he had a headache and went home for a nap.
That Sunday, there was a group of coworkers from my fiancé’s job that were going to a wine place as a group. We were invited, but the day before, my fiancé got a fever, and we weren’t 100% sure day drinking was going to help. I texted the night before to let everyone know; they responded, “No biggie.”
The next day, all of my fiancé’s friends jumped off the job they all worked on and left him with temps and didn’t tell him at all. I have no idea. My friend calls me, mentions me watching her son the following day, and says, “Is your fiancé home yet?”
I said, “Nope, it’s weird; he normally is by now,” and her husband is laughing in the background, saying he won’t be done for hours. And my friend says, “Well, you guys were just so sick that you couldn’t come on Sunday; we figured he wouldn’t be there anyway.”
I brushed it off, called my fiancé, and explained the phone call. He is livid. Absolutely livid.
Because he lost out on $500 additional pay because of him being stuck with temps, he would have moved to a different site, but they all thought it was funny, and he said it’s petty bullshit, and he wants no part of it at all. He said we’re done helping them.
He then informs me they didn’t pause daycare for the month like they told me; they fully canceled it, as they told another coworker there. I feel caught in something I’m uncomfortable with.
AITA if I stop babysitting their kid before the end of January like I originally agreed to?
Disclaimer – the confusion surrounding my fiancé’s job
My fiancé works an incentive-based job. In their line of work, there is a seniority list. My fiancé is higher on that specific list, and this is typically a higher seniority job as it’s paid per vehicle moved, and a certain amount of vehicles moved equals one hour of pay.
When it is a higher seniority crew, they are fluent and able to move far more units in a short amount of time. His crew all works this specific job, and they will message in a group chat if they aren’t coming in or taking a different job that day; no one told him they weren’t coming in, and they intentionally stuck him with temps that didn’t know how to do the job and laughed about it.
So instead of having the job done efficiently, it took 5 hours longer. He declined switching to a different job that morning that offered more money because they had talked in this group chat about everyone being there, and he didn’t want to leave anyone with a temp.
But because we didn’t go to the wine outing on Sunday, my friend’s husband thought it
View the Original Reddit Post Here
Summary of Reddit Comments
The top Reddit comments indicate a unanimous agreement that the individual is being exploited by people they consider friends. Users emphasize that these so-called friends are taking advantage of the babysitting arrangement without offering any reciprocity, urging the individual to stop being a doormat and to prioritize their own well-being.
- Verdict: YTA
Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict
It’s clear that the situation has become overwhelming for you, and it’s important to prioritize your own well-being while navigating this complex relationship. Here are some practical steps to help you resolve the conflict:
For You:
- Reflect on Your Boundaries: Take some time to think about what you are comfortable with regarding babysitting. It’s essential to establish clear boundaries that protect your time and mental health.
- Communicate Openly: Reach out to your friend and express your feelings honestly. Let her know that while you want to support her, the current arrangement is not working for you. Use “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory (e.g., “I feel overwhelmed with the current babysitting schedule”).
- Offer Alternatives: If you still want to help, consider suggesting a more manageable schedule or offering resources for affordable daycare options. This shows that you care while also setting limits on your availability.
- Prioritize Your Relationship: Discuss the situation with your fiancé. Acknowledge his frustrations and work together to find a solution that respects both your needs and his concerns.
- Be Prepared for Reactions: Understand that your friend may react emotionally to your decision. Stay calm and reiterate your boundaries if necessary. It’s okay to prioritize your own needs.
For Your Friend:
- Encourage Open Dialogue: Your friend should be encouraged to communicate her needs clearly and to understand that relying on you for babysitting is not a sustainable solution.
- Seek Professional Help: Given her marital issues and financial stress, it may be beneficial for her to seek counseling or support groups that can provide guidance and resources.
- Explore Childcare Options: Encourage her to look into other childcare solutions, such as community programs or co-op babysitting arrangements with other parents, to alleviate the burden on you.
- Respect Boundaries: If she values your friendship, she should respect your decision to step back from babysitting and understand that your well-being is important.
Ultimately, it’s crucial for both you and your friend to recognize the importance of healthy boundaries in any relationship. By addressing the situation with empathy and clarity, you can work towards a resolution that respects both your needs and the challenges your friend is facing.
Join the Discussion
Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)
What do you think? Would you have handled this differently?
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