AITA My BF goes on walks for 5-7 hours and doesn’t communicate where he is
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When Support Turns into Concern: A Relationship Dilemma
In a five-year relationship, a woman grapples with her boyfriend’s extreme anxiety and his habit of disappearing on late-night adventures without communication. While she tries to be supportive, his late-night escapades leave her worried and feeling disrespected, leading to a clash over what constitutes reasonable boundaries. As she seeks advice on whether her concerns are valid or if she’s being controlling, the story raises questions about mental health, trust, and the complexities of love. This relatable scenario resonates with many who have navigated the fine line between support and self-preservation in relationships.
Family Drama and Conflict Resolution in a Relationship
A 36-year-old woman (referred to as “Me”) shares her experience regarding her relationship with her boyfriend, a 37-year-old man. They have been together for five years, but their relationship has been strained due to his extreme anxiety and panic attacks. Here are the key points of their situation:
- Supportive Partner: Me has been supportive of her boyfriend’s need to take long walks to manage his anxiety.
- Lack of Communication: These walks often turn into uncommunicated adventures, leaving her worried when he does not return home at a reasonable hour.
- Frantic Nights: She has experienced sleepless nights, waking up at various early hours (3am, 5am, 8am) to find him still missing.
- Worry and Concern: After numerous frantic calls, he answers but often accuses her of being unreasonable and controlling.
- Unexpected Locations: Me has found him in various unexpected places, including:
- Numerous bars, some of which were closed.
- A hotel across town with unfamiliar individuals.
- Friends’ houses she does not know.
- Breakfast and drinks with strangers.
- A 55-year-old woman’s house for a heart-to-heart conversation.
- Parties with people he met during his walks.
In an update, Me expresses her growing concerns about her boyfriend’s mental health. She suspects he may need psychiatric care or could be struggling with alcohol addiction. Despite her attempts to communicate her worries, he has not been receptive. To gain confidence in addressing these issues, she sought advice from strangers online, hoping to use their feedback as a reference to show him that her concerns are valid and significant.
This situation highlights the complexities of family drama and the challenges of conflict resolution in relationships, especially when mental health issues are involved. Me is left questioning her role as a supportive partner while grappling with the need for open communication and respect in their relationship.
This is Original story from Reddit
Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)
Story
Me 36F and my boyfriend 37M have been together for five years. He has extreme anxiety and panic attacks and will take long walks to calm down, which I am supportive of.
On numerous occasions, these walks have turned into other adventures, and he doesn’t update me. I have woken up at 3 AM, 5 AM, or even 8 AM the next morning to find him still not home.
After worried and frantic calls, he will reluctantly answer and make me out to be unreasonable and controlling. The places I have located him at after hours of no contact are numerous bars, bars that are closed, at a hotel across town with random people, friends’ houses I do not know, breakfast and drinks with strangers, a 55-year-old woman’s house having a heart to heart, and parties with strangers he met on his walk.
AITA for being worried and angry when he doesn’t communicate where he is going if his walks turn into hangouts with friends? I think it’s extremely disrespectful; he says I’m being controlling.
UPDATE
Thanks for your replies, everyone. I have been suspecting for a while that he either needs psychiatric care or has an alcohol addiction, or both.
He hasn’t been listening to me, and I needed the help of a bunch of strangers on the internet to feel confident in addressing his need for mental health care. I wanted to have this written thread as a backup to show him that I’m not being unreasonable and that this is a big issue.
View the Original Reddit Post Here
Summary of Reddit Comments
The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the boyfriend’s behavior is suspicious and potentially indicative of infidelity or substance abuse. Users emphasize that his claims of needing to manage panic attacks do not justify his actions, which include frequenting bars and spending time with strangers. Overall, commenters urge the original poster to trust her instincts and reconsider the relationship, highlighting the importance of honesty and healthy communication in partnerships.
Verdict: YTA
Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict
In navigating the complexities of your relationship, it’s essential to approach the situation with empathy and a focus on open communication. Here are some practical steps to consider for both you and your boyfriend:
- Self-Reflection: Before addressing the issue with your boyfriend, take some time to reflect on your feelings. Acknowledge your worries and concerns, and consider what you need from the relationship moving forward.
- Open Dialogue: Initiate a calm and honest conversation with your boyfriend. Choose a time when both of you are relaxed and free from distractions. Express your feelings without placing blame, using “I” statements (e.g., “I feel worried when I don’t know where you are”).
- Set Boundaries: Discuss and establish boundaries regarding communication during his walks. Agree on check-in times or locations where he can go, ensuring you both feel comfortable and respected.
- Encourage Professional Help: Gently suggest that he consider seeking professional help for his anxiety and any potential substance abuse issues. Frame it as a way to support his well-being rather than as a criticism of his current coping mechanisms.
- Explore Alternatives: Together, explore healthier coping strategies for his anxiety. This could include therapy, mindfulness practices, or engaging in activities that promote relaxation and connection.
- Trust Your Instincts: If his behavior continues to raise red flags, trust your instincts. It’s crucial to prioritize your emotional well-being. If you feel unsafe or disrespected, it may be time to reevaluate the relationship.
- Seek Support: Consider reaching out to friends, family, or a therapist for support. Having a support system can provide you with perspective and guidance as you navigate this challenging situation.
Ultimately, both partners must feel heard and respected in a relationship. By fostering open communication and addressing underlying issues together, you can work towards a healthier dynamic. Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your needs while being supportive of your partner’s struggles.
Join the Discussion
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What do you think? Would you have handled this differently?
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