[UPDATE 4] AITA for cutting contact with my childhood best friend because she demanded that I break up with my fiancé?
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When Exes Cross Boundaries: A Complicated Love Triangle
In a tangled web of relationships, a woman grapples with her ex-best friend’s inappropriate behavior towards her fiancé, leading to a series of unsolicited videos that blur the lines of friendship and respect. As tensions rise, family dynamics come into play when her mother, initially siding with the ex-friend, realizes the truth and confronts the situation. This story resonates with anyone who’s navigated the complexities of friendships and romantic entanglements, highlighting the emotional turmoil that can arise when boundaries are crossed. How do you handle a situation where the past collides with the present, and trust is put to the test?
Family Drama and Conflict Resolution: Navigating Wedding Tension
In a recent situation involving Mary, my ex-best friend, and my fiancé Dave, we have encountered a series of challenges that have led to significant family drama and wedding tension. Here’s a breakdown of the events:
- Mary’s Actions:
- Mary has not attempted to contact me directly but has sent three explicit videos to Dave.
- Each video was sent through different burner accounts, making it difficult to ignore or block.
- Dave has deleted all videos and blocked her on every platform, hoping she will stop.
- It is uncomfortable for me to hear my ex-best friend moaning my fiancé’s name in these videos.
- Meeting with My Mom:
- I met with my mom after she reached out, aware of the breakup between Julian and Mary.
- She seemed confused by the conflicting stories from both Julian and Mary regarding the breakup.
- My mom expressed distress over siding with Mary initially and has since apologized for her stance.
- She inquired if Mary had made any advances toward Dave, which led to a discussion about the videos.
- My mom is now upset with Mary and has blocked her number, wanting to limit contact with Mary’s mother.
- Future Steps:
- Despite the tension, my mom seems genuine in her desire to mend our relationship.
- We are on a better path, though it is still fragile and requires careful navigation.
- I plan to maintain some distance from my mom while remaining open to future discussions.
As for the situation with Dave, I want to clarify a few points based on comments received:
- Dave often receives unsolicited videos due to his profession as a performer, where fans sometimes overstep boundaries.
- While I can advise Dave on whether to file a police report regarding Mary’s actions, the decision ultimately lies with him.
- We have no intention of sharing the videos with anyone else; they are private and do not need to be shown to our mothers.
In conclusion, while the situation remains tense, we are working towards conflict resolution. This may be my last update unless significant developments occur. For now, we are focused on maintaining our boundaries and navigating the complexities of our relationships.
This is Original story from Reddit
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Story
I don’t really know how to start this, so yeah.
Mary hasn’t tried to contact me again, but she started sending videos of her having fun with herself to Dave. It’s been 3 so far, and they’ve all been sent through different burner accounts.
He didn’t respond to any of them, and we don’t really know what we should do about it. He gets sent videos like that quite often, but it’s usually just one video per person, not 3 in a row sent by the same one, which makes them easier to ignore or block.
So far, he’s obviously deleted all videos she’s sent him and blocked her on every account through which she tried to contact him. He hopes that if he’s not going to respond, that she’ll stop soon, and well, I hope so too.
It’s honestly getting annoying hearing my ex-best friend moan my fiancé’s name.
I also met up with my mom today. She texted me yesterday and asked me to meet up. She knows that Julian and Mary broke up and also knows the reason for it.
I don’t know how she’s gotten the story—it apparently was a weird mismatch of Julian, Mary, and Mary’s mom. My mom was pretty distraught when she told me this, and all of it didn’t make a whole lot of sense.
Mary told her this, Julian told her that, and so on. She ended up believing Julian over Mary for whatever reason. Maybe it was because last time I met up with my mom, I told her that Mary’s interested in Dave, and that obviously matches Julian’s story? I have no idea.
I also don’t know why Julian told her. I’ve asked him to talk to my mom after some people suggested it in the comments, but he seemed pretty apprehensive. I guess he ended up telling her anyway.
Overall, she was very apologetic for not believing me and siding with Mary. She also asked me if Mary tried anything with Dave so far, and I told her about the videos.
She’s really mad at Mary and has blocked her number for now. She also wants to limit contact with Mary’s mother as far as I know, but doesn’t really know how to go about it yet.
They share a lot of hobbies and are basically in all the same clubs—book, sports, and so on. Typical late-50s mom stuff basically.
So yeah, I guess everything’s fine. I’m still going to keep my distance from her, but she seemed very genuine about wanting to make things right.
We’re on a better path now, still not great, but we’re getting there.
This might also be the last update—unless something big should happen, but if everything’s going to stay the way it’s right now, there’s not much to update on.
Edit
I just wanted to address some things people have said in the comments.
- “Dave gets sent videos like that quite often” – he’s a performer. Most of his concerts are in bars and festivals, and people get drunk quickly, which then results in fans doing weird things or overstepping boundaries.
- I have no say in whether he’s filing a police report. I can advise him, but he’s the one who has to go through with it.
- We’re not going to show these videos to anyone. Mary’s mother and my mom can know about them, but there’s no point in showing or sending those to them. It’s private, and they don’t have to see that.
View the Original Reddit Post Here
Summary of Reddit Comments
The top Reddit comments emphasize the importance of preserving evidence rather than deleting it, as it could be crucial for legal actions like filing a restraining order. Many users suggest forwarding the inappropriate content to the sender’s mother or law enforcement to address the harassment effectively. Overall, there is a strong consensus that the recipient should take the situation seriously and protect themselves legally.
Verdict: YTA
Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict
Conflict resolution in situations like this can be challenging, especially when emotions run high and relationships are strained. Here are some practical steps to consider for both parties involved:
For the Recipient (You)
- Document Everything: Keep a record of all communications and videos sent by Mary. This documentation can be crucial if you decide to take legal action.
- Consult Legal Advice: Consider speaking with a lawyer about your options regarding harassment. They can guide you on whether to file a police report or seek a restraining order.
- Communicate with Dave: Have an open discussion with your fiancé about how both of you feel regarding the situation. Ensure you are on the same page about boundaries and how to handle any future communications from Mary.
- Set Boundaries: Clearly communicate your boundaries to Mary, if you feel safe doing so. Let her know that her actions are unacceptable and that you will take further steps if they continue.
- Seek Support: Lean on trusted friends or family members for emotional support. It can be helpful to talk through your feelings and gain perspective.
For Mary
- Reflect on Actions: Mary should take time to reflect on her behavior and understand the impact it has on others. Recognizing the seriousness of her actions is crucial for personal growth.
- Apologize Sincerely: If Mary wishes to mend relationships, a sincere apology to you and Dave may be necessary. Acknowledge the hurt caused and express a desire to change.
- Seek Professional Help: If Mary struggles with boundaries or impulsive behavior, it may be beneficial for her to seek counseling or therapy. Professional guidance can help her navigate her emotions and actions more effectively.
- Respect Boundaries: If you choose to communicate your boundaries to Mary, she must respect them. Continued harassment will only escalate the situation and could lead to legal consequences.
Moving Forward
Both parties should focus on healing and moving forward. It’s essential to prioritize mental health and well-being during this time. Open communication, respect for boundaries, and a willingness to seek help can pave the way for resolution and growth.
Join the Discussion
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What do you think? Would you have handled this differently?
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