February 20, 2025

WIBTA if I divorce my husband?

Inline AITA Image 1 Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

When Appreciation Turns to Dismissal: A Strained Marriage

In a marriage where one partner feels undervalued and belittled, a woman grapples with her husband’s dismissive attitude towards her hard-earned degrees and career choices. Despite bringing in a substantial income and juggling family responsibilities, her husband’s belief that college degrees are worthless creates a rift that threatens their relationship. This story resonates with many who have faced similar struggles of validation and respect in their partnerships, especially in a society that often equates success with formal education. As tensions rise over critical family decisions, the question looms: is it time to reevaluate the foundation of their marriage?

Family Drama Over Degrees and Value

A woman is facing significant family drama stemming from her husband’s dismissive attitude towards her educational achievements and their implications for their family life. The conflict has escalated, particularly in light of their differing views on the value of college degrees.

Background: The husband works in a job that does not require a degree, earning nearly $70,000 a year. He believes that practical experience outweighs formal education, leading him to undervalue his wife’s academic accomplishments.
Wife’s Education: The wife holds a bachelor’s and an associate’s degree and is one semester away from completing her master’s degree. She transitioned from the medical field to education to better accommodate her children’s needs.
Financial Contribution: Despite her husband’s views, the wife brings in approximately $4,000 a month, which is significantly more than minimum wage jobs that would fit her schedule.

The tension escalated when the wife expressed concern over her oldest daughter’s medical care. The child’s father is denying necessary medical treatment based on his personal opinions, which prompted the wife to argue that he lacks the medical knowledge to make such decisions. The husband responded by asserting that degrees are worthless, further aggravating the situation.

Conflict Resolution: The wife attempted to illustrate the importance of education by suggesting that anyone without training could perform complex medical procedures, highlighting the absurdity of her husband’s stance.
Husband’s Attitude: Despite the wife’s logical arguments, the husband remains steadfast in his belief that formal education holds no value, which has led to feelings of frustration and resentment on her part.

The wife feels that her husband’s attitude undermines her accomplishments and contributions to the family. She is now contemplating the possibility of divorce, questioning whether she would be the antagonist for wanting to leave a relationship where she feels used for her financial support while being belittled for her educational achievements.

Scholarships: The wife has been successful in obtaining scholarships that exceed her educational expenses, which has led her husband to change his tone, suddenly valuing her degree when it benefits their financial situation.
Future Considerations: The wife is left to ponder the implications of her husband’s views on their family dynamics and her self-worth, as well as the potential impact on their children.

In summary, the couple is experiencing significant wedding tension due to conflicting beliefs about education and its value. The wife’s contemplation of divorce stems from a desire for conflict resolution and recognition of her worth beyond financial contributions.

This is Original story from Reddit

Inline AITA Image 2 Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

I’ll try to condense as much as possible.

My husband is great about a lot of things but never appreciates me. Nothing is ever good enough. He thinks he says things in harmless or joking ways, but even the little things add up, like, “Next time you make that recipe, you should…” Translation: he didn’t like it, and it’s literally everything.

He doesn’t help clean the house, but the house isn’t clean enough, so on and so forth. Long story short on his job—he has the kind that you don’t need a degree for, and you can work your way up because experience gives you more knowledge about the processes than book learning. He makes almost 70k a year.

He’s as high up as he can go for now. Any higher gets into the management and business side of things, which needs a degree. The guys that have those degrees and positions have never done the grunt work, so they make crappy decisions that he always has to fix.

But they make him feel stupid and treat people without degrees like they are worthless. He has this warped mindset as a result that he knows more than people who went to college and that degrees mean nothing, but applied to any and every job field out there. I was in the medical field when we met, but the schedule was never conducive to my oldest daughter’s needs.

When we got married and had another child, I left to do education instead. Today, he told me college degrees are worthless. My degrees mean nothing.

I have a bachelor’s and an associate’s and am one semester away from having a master’s. He doesn’t mind the 4K a month I bring in as opposed to making minimum wage somewhere with a schedule that doesn’t work with kids, but has the nerve to tell me my degree means nothing.

To me, a degree isn’t just about knowledge. It’s about opportunity. Without that degree, I’d be struggling to work at whatever job I could find that works with my kids because we have no one for childcare, and they’re too old for daycare but too young to stay alone.

With my degree, my schedule matches theirs always. They have great insurance, which his job doesn’t give me or them, and my knowledge and experience in education give me opportunities aside from simply teaching public school. But again, he says my degrees are worthless.

This all started because my oldest daughter’s dad is trying to deny her medical care that she needs based on his opinion that nothing is wrong with her because he can’t physically see her having symptoms. The symptoms are more of the feeling type and less of the seeing type, and I made the comment that he has no medical knowledge, training, or degree to make the decision that he’s going to prevent her from getting testing and treatment for her issues.

My husband then told me he doesn’t need one because degrees mean nothing. My response was for him to let any bum on the street take out his gallbladder since anyone can do it then. He still thinks he’s right! That training and college mean nothing.

I know they’re not necessary for every job, but they do have their value in some places, whereas my daughter’s is a neurological and pulmonary issue. So, WIBTA if I divorce him for basically using me for my money while also telling me that everything I have accomplished is completely worthless?

Also adding—I apply for and get scholarships that far exceed the need of my schooling, which means I get checks between 2-5k each semester and also will be getting about 10-12k between spring and summer this year. As soon as I told him that, he’s suddenly saying, “Oh, don’t quit!” So now my degree means something?

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the husband exhibits toxic behavior, primarily stemming from his own insecurities and jealousy. Many users emphasize that he diminishes his partner to feel better about himself, suggesting that this dynamic is unhealthy and unsustainable. The majority opinion leans towards the idea that the partner deserves better treatment and should consider ending the relationship if he cannot change his behavior.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict

Addressing the conflict between the husband and wife in this situation requires a thoughtful and empathetic approach. Both parties have valid perspectives, and finding common ground is essential for the health of their relationship and family. Here are some practical steps to consider:

For the Wife

Open Communication: Initiate a calm and honest conversation with your husband about how his comments make you feel. Use “I” statements to express your feelings without sounding accusatory, such as “I feel undervalued when my education is dismissed.”
Seek Understanding: Try to understand your husband’s perspective. Ask him about his views on education and why he feels that way. This can help you both identify the root of the conflict.
Highlight Shared Goals: Emphasize the importance of education for your children’s future. Discuss how your achievements can positively influence their lives and the family as a whole.
Set Boundaries: If the dismissive behavior continues, it’s important to set clear boundaries. Let him know that belittling your accomplishments is unacceptable and affects your self-esteem.
Consider Counseling: If communication remains difficult, suggest couples counseling. A neutral third party can facilitate discussions and help both of you understand each other better.

For the Husband

Self-Reflection: Take time to reflect on why you feel threatened by your wife’s achievements. Understanding your insecurities can help you address them constructively.
Value Education: Acknowledge the importance of education and the hard work that goes into obtaining degrees. Recognize that your wife’s accomplishments contribute to the family’s well-being.
Support Your Partner: Show support for your wife’s educational pursuits. Celebrate her achievements and express pride in her hard work, which can strengthen your relationship.
Engage in Discussions: Be open to discussing the value of education and how it can coexist with practical experience. This can help bridge the gap between your differing views.
Seek Professional Help: If you find it challenging to change your mindset, consider individual counseling. A professional can help you work through feelings of inadequacy and jealousy.

Conclusion

Ultimately, both partners need to feel valued and respected in their relationship. By fostering open communication, understanding each other’s perspectives, and seeking professional help if necessary, they can work towards a healthier dynamic that benefits both their marriage and their children.